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The Next Step

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Well, one week of being consumer debt free in the books. And now I am ready to move on to my next goal. However, it’s been a bit of a roller coaster ride over here due to things beyond my control. So I still don’t have a solid plan for this yet, but wanted to let you know what I’m thinking and get your feedback.

You might recall that I have a debt in my name that I do not pay…my ex-husband does. (This is spelled out in our divorce papers as well.) I got a lot of grief over this last fall, so let’s not re-hash that. This is just how it is and it works for us. The monthly payment is $246 per month which he pays me and then I pay the lien holder. This makes it comfortable for me, but does not work well when trying to finance say a house as they want to see that he has paid the loan directly for at least 12 months. So, I want to get rid of this debt.

My plan was that he would continue paying his regular payment and I would put my extra payments towards it, tracking those of course, until it’s paid off and then he could just continue to pay me. Make sense? So I was all set on this course of action, until he called and said he wanted to sell the vehicle, yada, yada. Ok, great! Let’s do that.

Then a couple more weeks passed and he called to say, “hey, I’m moving to another state within the next 30 days.”

Then a week after that, he called to say “hey, I’m going to need to keep my truck to drive to my new state.”

Ok, see where I was referring to the roller coaster ride? So I am now back to my original plan, with a small caveat. If he is taking the car out of state (a 23 hour drive from me,) but it’s titled, insured, etc by me, well it gets a bit complicated. So I’ve got on my to do list to call my insurance company and check on the nuances of this situation. But now I’m especially confident that paying off this debt is the best next step.

Thoughts?

Just to make sure you have all the information…my only other debt are student loans with a balance right around $30K. Ok, now go, what are your thoughts on this next step.

Oh, one more thing…timeline for this…end of this calendar year for payoff, with me loosening up on my budget just a bit.

Ok, now go…

Hope

Follow a single mom's journey to be DEBT FREE while managing this crazy life's conflicted choices with regards to kids, pets, homeschooling days and self-employment!
The sorrow and joys of this roller-coaster overwhelm her at times, but she is committed to this course.
Hope plans to dig out of debt using any resource possible including her small business EPOH, her blog and any other resource that comes to mind!

Latest posts by Hope (see all)


78 Comments

  • Reply TENN |

    What is the payoff amount? How many months if you keep paying the minimum? Since the debt is in your name, it is your debt and therefore would make sense to pay it off ahead of schedule.

    Once he pays the debt, do you plan on having him register the vehicle in his own name?

    Does the divorce document address moving out of state? It might make sense to do a modification given the implications of moving out of state? Will he be bringing it back to your state for inspections? Will he maintain the registration in the current state?

    • Reply Hope |

      The divorce decree says nothing of moving out of state. I have full legal and physical custody of the children and to be honest that’s really all I care about.

      When the vehicle is paid off, the title will be immediately transferred (that is in the divorce decree.) And I will be so glad when that happens.

      I will have to research all the insurance and out of state implications now.

      • Reply Adam |

        “When the vehicle is paid off, the title will be immediately transferred (that is in the divorce decree.)”

        Does this present any risk that if you pay the lien off early, the title gets transferred and he suddenly stops paying you? Seems like he has been keeping his end of the bargain so far but just want to bring this up as a potential risk.

      • Reply Candice |

        The only thing I would like further clarified is that when you say you are insuring the vehicle, what does that mean? Why you buy insurance, you are actually ensuring the driver. Thus, if your ex-husband is on your insurance, then your insurance covers any vehicle he drives. So…is he on your insurance and you are paying for it? Is he paying for it? Because, you can’t just be insuring the vehicle…

  • Reply C@thesingledollar |

    Yeah, in the least judgmental way possible, I just think this sounds nuts. It made a *tiny* bit more sense when he was going to be in town, but taking the vehicle so far away takes it into the realm of “hell no.” I just don’t see why you should be legally and financially responsible for a car that you can’t even check on because it’s so far away. I would say that if he’s planning on moving, you need to sell the truck and he needs to buy a small/cheap/ancient car to do the move. I mean, come on.

  • Reply Sarah |

    I think allowing him to take a truck that you pay for AND insure to another state is risky, to say the least. If he is saying he needs the truck to make the move, I would rather see you give him the money to rent a truck (not rent a truck in YOUR name!) and sell the one he is driving. It’s time. You’re talking about buying a house and you still have this truck hanging over your head. He’s ready to move on, so let him – without your truck.

  • Reply Theresa |

    If it is in the divorce decree that you have to have to provide a car loan in your name, and have it titled and insured in your name, when does it spell out how long this situation had to continue? Forever? 5 years? Until he pays it off? Follow the divorce decree or get it amended. Personally I would use him moving out of state to amend the divorce decree and refinance the loan in his name and be done.

    I know you don’t want to rehash it it is just so strange that your lawyer would put you in this situation.

    • Reply Hope |

      I filed my own divorce. Cost me $75 to get divorced vs the $375 per hour an attorney would have cost me. I have no regrets on how it worked out.

      I got the kids and that is all I wanted.

  • Reply Den |

    Yes, pay it off as fast as you can. Somehow – and I don’t understand all the court stuff – you’ve got to get it out of your name and off your insurance – that’s just a sh&t storm waiting to happen!

    Also – if you pay it off early and he still owes you payments, DON’T tell him you paid if off early! If you do, he may just figure he’s done paying too. Once he’s paid you back, change the title and insurance to his name and be free of it and the roller coaster ride of stress!

    Congrats on the consumer debt being gone – that’s a huge accomplishment! And as soon as you get rid of this lousy car debt you can tackle your student loans – great job!

    • Reply Hope |

      Den,
      Those were my thoughts exactly…get the lien removed and then let him continue paying me. Just have to see how the out of state issues can be tackled.

  • Reply SAK |

    He needs to buy the truck from you before he moves out of state. This is a huge legal liability for you if something happens when he is driving. And it really makes no sense. You do have to follow what the divorce says – but how specific is it? What do you *have* to do – not want to or feel you should – but *have* to? Paying it off early is great but only if you also get it out of your name – which isn’t part of the plan until he pays it off. This is worth a little time with the lawyer to get this cleaned up.

    • Reply Hope |

      I am not interested in giving a lawyer any money…
      I trust him to fulfill his financial obligation.
      Just have to figure out how to navigate the out of state issue.

      • Reply Anon |

        You said that you paid $75 for the divorce instead of $375 an hour. But with a competent lawyer you never would have ended up in this situation. So the money would have been well spent.

        • Reply Candice |

          @Anon,

          “You said that you paid $75 for the divorce instead of $375 an hour. But with a competent lawyer you never would have ended up in this situation. So the money would have been well spent.” This makes absolutely no sense. She obviously took out the car loan and thus insured the vehicle. In the divorce decree, all they did was put in writing that as soon as he pays off the vehicle, the title will transfer to him. How would a lawyer, competent or otherwise improved this situation? All the lawyer could have suggested was that her ex-husband take out a loan in his own name to remove her from the title.

          Hope, I think you have the right idea. However, I agree with the above poster, don’t tell your ex-husband you paid it off early, and don’t transfer the title until he finishes paying off (paying you back) for the vehicle.

          • Kerry |

            Candice, an attorney would have pointed out that there should be a time period within which Hope would be helping the ex with the car, say 3 years. An attorney would have also pointed out it wasn’t fair to Hope to be carrying the note for this vehicle for 6-7 years and refinancing the vehicle, which she’s done at least once. A couple of hundred dollars in legal advice would have saved her thousands in the long run.

      • Reply Candice |

        “Candice, an attorney would have pointed out that there should be a time period within which Hope would be helping the ex with the car, say 3 years. An attorney would have also pointed out it wasn’t fair to Hope to be carrying the note for this vehicle for 6-7 years and refinancing the vehicle, which she’s done at least once.”

        I think the difference in our perspectives is that I believe Hope was aware of all of this…I just don’t think she cared. I think she is committed to working (helping) her ex-husband pay-off the loan on whatever timeline that is…

        “A couple of hundred dollars in legal advice would have saved her thousands in the long run.” Thousands? Really? Where is the lost money here? If I understand correctly, he is paying her and she then uses that money to pay the bank; she essentially acts as a clearinghouse.

        • Reply Hope |

          You are right, Candice, I am/was certainly aware of what I was doing when I agreed, actually suggested these terms in our divorce.
          I believe that this agreement has in fact saved me thousands of dollars between lawyers fees and what may have been “two parent” decisions for the kids. But that’s a tale for another day. I appreciate your ability to read between the lines.

  • Reply first step |

    You don’t need the liability of being the owner and the insured with him driving. Have him apply to get insurance in his name then pay off the remaining balance, transfer title to his name and make yourself the lienholder for the outstanding balance. As the lienholder, you’ll be notified if he cancels insurance. Also, if you’re the lienholder and he has an accident, you’ll have to sign off on any insurance checks he receives, giving you a way to be repaid. Run, don’t walk to the insurance agency and get this worked out!

      • Reply Walnut |

        I can’t imagine there is much term left on this loan. Even if it was originally a 5 to 7 year loan period. I’d pay this sucker off ASAP and see if you can get the above scenario to work out.

  • Reply Maureen |

    I am a lawyer (this is not legal advice by any means) and this him taking the car out of state has disaster written all over it. Depending on what your decree states I would do one of several things: 1. Force the sale of the car. It is in your name and you can take possession at any time. Then, pay off the loan and if there is any extra give it to him. If not, make him sign a promissory note for the deficiancy (I understand that collecting this is another issue). 2. Sell him the car and tell him he has to figure out how to pay for it. Pay off the loan immediately. Although I have a huanch he has no credit, etc.

    Hope, I know this is an emotional situation for you and I have followed your story since you began blogging. I will not rehash any of the what has been and what is. However, you have come so far in such a short time. Do you really want to risk losing it all if he were to wreck the car out of state and someone sues you? Yes, its an unlikely event, but life happens. My advice is to demand the car be sold and cut the financial ties.

    • Reply scarr |

      I agree with this. Sell the car. Him moving with the truck out of state is a disaster waiting to happen.

  • Reply Wren |

    First, it’s your debt, and your truck. It’s not his truck. It’s in your name, you insure it, it’s yours. Since he wants to take your truck out of state (a 23 hour drive away), he needs to buy it outright, or you should take it back and sell it to get rid of the debt. What used to work now doesn’t, if he’s taking it to another state. Doing it any other way is pretty much begging for something other than the expected outcome (him continuing to pay it off) to happen. This may sound cynical and ever so slightly jaded, but better to consider all options and be pleasantly surprised, than to expect the best and get stuck paying for something that benefits you in zero ways. Having that truck in your name while it’s in another state is not a good idea.

    I also agree with the comment about not informing him that you’ve paid it off early, if you choose to do so. Unless you know, without a shadow of a doubt, plus an ironclad guarantee and access to his account, that he will continue to pay you once he’s moved 23 hours away.

  • Reply Mary from SC |

    I also agree with many other posters. This is a perfect time to address “head on” the car issue that hangs over your head, on your credit report, etc. Tell him you are going to sell the truck, give him any/all proceeds after paying it off and he is more than welcome to do whatever he wants with him. Tell him your “lawyer” advised this, your support group advised this, whatever but sever those ties. Yes, it’s a long shot that an accident may happen, but if it does, you have to protect your four babies before worrying about his transportation. You have worked too hard to let someone else have the potential to ruin it for you. Also – great job on the debt free goal by the end of the year. I believe you can do it. You have done amazing things and have sometimes taken a lot of heat for your decisions, but no one can deny they have worked for you. Keep it up…still cheering for you from SC.

  • Reply Laura |

    I would tell him he’s got one week to get a loan in his name or you are selling the car. Then do it. This sounds like a nightmare in the making

  • Reply Shaun |

    Sell the truck, give him the proceeds minus the payoff. An accident is not a long shot, it is very common. You are clearly the deeper pockets of the two of you and you hold the title and the insurance. You can be sued and held financially responsible for anything that happens. You need to protect your kids from the financial ruin this can cause, you have worked so hard to get to this point. This is too risky.

  • Reply AT |

    If he’s a resident in another state, he’s going to have to get it titled in his name because he can’t be driving around indefinitely with out of state plates.

    If you can’t get your name off the loan before he leaves, pay it off ASAP and “sell” it to him for the remaining payments so he can title and insure the car in the new state.

    I also have my doubts that the insurance would even be valid once he moves, so this really does need to get sorted before he goes.

    How likely is he to actually complete this plan? And how does it impact your kids?

    • Reply Hope |

      He is reliable in paying for it and I have no reason to doubt that he will continue to be so.

      His moving is going to have a HUGE impact psychologically on Little Gymnast who has not been told yet. Otherwise, not much I imagine as he makes little effort to see them on a regular basis.

      It breaks my heart for my children.

      • Reply AT |

        I was really wondering if he would pull off the move itself. Rattling the kids for something that isn’t really going to happen is hard on everybody. I’m so sorry for your kids. He’s losing out big time by missing his chance to love on them at this age.

  • Reply Marzey doats |

    Could you clarify the numbers here? How much is owed on your ex’s car? What is the sale value of the car? What is the remaining termof the loan? Since you were divorced YEARS ago, shouldnt you be pretty close to payoff anyway? These numbers make a difference in whether people will advise you to just pay it off, or force the sale.

  • Reply Jean |

    chiming in with more tough love… I know that you’ve tried to keep the peace with your ex-husband for the sake of the children but letting him drive a vehicle that you pay for and insure reeks of codependency; even though it’s court-ordered, I have a hard time beliveing that your attorney encouraged the arrangement. If he is moving out of state – 23 hrs away – then it’s time to cut the cord and make him stand on his own two feet. I know he’s your children’s father, but you can’t continue to keep making excuses for his life choices. Protect yourself and treat him like an adult instead of trying to continue to support him. Sell the truck & give him the proceeds so he can purchase another vehicle in his name. If I were sitting in a coffee shop or restaurant with you, I would be telling you the same thing that I’ve written here. Like someone else said – you’ve come so far and we don’t want to see all of your progress destroyed. All of us who have commented are cheering for you and want the best for you. You’ve been through a lot in your life, even since you’ve been writing on this blog; that means you’re a tough girl. It’s time to stand up to your ex-husband just like you did your dad. You can do it, because it means a more secure financial situation for you and your kids.

  • Reply Hope |

    I appreciate all the “tough love” and I’m sorry I wasn’t more clear. I am not inclined to change the way he is paying loan, nor am I interested in forcing the sale of his car which he has been consistent in paying. I know from the comments that no one agrees with that, but that’s how I feel.
    I’ve been kicked over and over and over again while I’ve been down, and I will certainly not do it to someone else…no matter who it is. With that being said…
    You have all over-whelmingly seemed to agree that this goal is a good one, even ahead of my student loan debt. I’m glad we agree on that! Now I will get busy mapping it out.

    • Reply Anon |

      Going with how you feel has gotten you to where you are today. Listening to what people who have been successful have done and advocate doing is the best way to become successful yourself.

      • Reply Candice |

        “Listening to what people who have been successful…” So…she should listen to the anonymous “successful” people of the internet? Everyone makes mistakes, and she has taken corrective action to actively improve her situation. While I can certainly understand her taking advice from regular posters who have read her blog from the beginning and continue to engage her, anonymous posters like yourself who only chime in when they have something unproductive to say really grind my gears.

  • Reply Pam |

    I can understand not wanting to kick someone when they are down- but isn’t this the husband that pushed you down the stairs when you were pregnant? I seem to remember that from one of your older posts.

  • Reply TENN |

    Thanks for answering questions. I get that this is an agreement that you have. Since that is the case, you need to think of it as your debt and paying it off makes sense. Can you share the value of the loan. Alternatively, could you create a post where you discuss where your privacy line is and how you determined it? You are very open about so many things, but concrete numbers seem to be in the ‘black box’ of things not to be discussed. I am curious (noisy) as to why.

  • Reply SCM |

    I have noticed, in this thread and in so many others, that you pick and choose the questions you want to answer.

    You have been asked about the balance due and the monthly debt payment on this car several times in this thread and in the other thread about this subject.

    Why won’t you reveal these amounts? The readers here cannot help you make a decision about this issue if they do not have these basic facts.

    It does seem odd that there would still be an outstanding loan after 7 years.

    SCM

  • Reply Denise |

    Hope, I am normally on your side when readers get tough on you, but in this case I agree with everyone else. You need to sell the car – either to the ex or to a stranger – and get it out of your name. Allowing the ex to drive your car out of state sets you up for a huge financial liability. Plus, I am pretty sure your insurance will not be valid given the new situation. This is not the time to be stubborn, or to be soft with your ex. Additionally, you seem confident that your ex will make the payments. Yet you have blogged here about times when he was unable to make his financial commitment to you and you have also blogged about how he rarely sees the kids. Frankly, he doesn’t sound all that trustworthy. What will you do if he is unwilling/unable to make payments when he is 23 hours away? Ever try to sue someone out of state or to recover stolen property that has been moved to another state? It is expensive at best and impossible at worst.

  • Reply Marzey doats |

    I really dont understand this situation at all, and Im sure your other readers are in the same boat. If your ex can make the payments on the car to you, why cant he make them to the bank? A simple refinance will eliminate this problem from your life. After at least five years from the divorce, the overall value of the car loan should be quite low, and secured by the value of the truck. While your ex may have poor credit, car loans are some of the easiest loans to get, and evenif he has to pay a high interest rate, it will be on a relatively low balance. I frankly dont understand how you can even be insuring him as the primary driver on this car. I guess insurance laws vary from state to state, but in my neck of the woods, you can’t insure someone if you arent 1) related or 2) living at the same address, and neither of these apply to you.
    Yes, it is a good goal to get this loan out of your life. But the bigger goal is to get the potential liability of insuring a car you dont have any control over out of your life. Please dont think about this as an issue solely of the car loan. This is a big area of your life that you havent taken any control of, and could come back to bite you in a big way.

    What exactly is the basis for your resistance to changing this arrangement? Are you afraid your ex will be angry? Every single person you ask will tell you that maintaining responsibility for your exes car when he lives inanother state is a bad, bad, bad idea. Every person has given you their ideas on how to extricate yourself. Perhaps these ideas are unreasonable because you dont feel like sharing the details of this financial arrangement. But your idea of paying off the loan, but maintaining the title and insurance is not helpful to you.

      • Reply Marzey doats |

        But he is making the payments now, implying that he has income. If he has no income he would be better served selling the truck and using the money to get a paid-for car and not have a payment draining him every month

        • Reply Jen From Boston |

          He still may not have enough income to get a loan. Banks will want your debt payments to be less than a certain percentage of your pay, and his debt payments may be above that threshold, in which case he either cannot get a loan or any loan he’d get would be higher interest, and thus the payments would be higher than he can afford.

          Plus, the car is NOT his. If the car is sold the proceeds would go to Hope.

          • Marzey doats |

            Car loans are some of the easiest to get. When you refinance, you chose a different time to maturity, and the payments go down. When you have had a car loan for seven years, there isnt that much to get a loan on.

            I understand that the proceeds go to Hope, but she has indicated that this is “his” car, that he has been making the payments on. So basic fairness dictates that he get the proceeds of the sale. Hope is not the type of person who would screw someone over in a transaction like that.

  • Reply Adam |

    Knowing nothing about his situation or your communication lines, it might be a stupid suggestion, but would it be worth having a conversation with him about working together to pay it off early? See if he’s able or willing to kick in some extra payments?

  • Reply CanadianKate |

    Given all I’ve read about this situation I see the following:

    1. He can’t get a car loan. And probably can’t get insurance (otherwise, why is the insurance in Hope’s name?)

    2. Hope doesn’t have the cash on hand to repay the car loan, therefore can’t sell the car to her ex unless he comes up with cash, which because of 1, he can’t.

    3. Owning a car and insuring it 23 hours from where you live is a financially dangerous move. This has to be resolved before the move. Otherwise, the cost of fixing any problems will be increased by the cost of traveling to his new location to deal either with courts or with repossessing the vehicle. And, lets face it, Hope won’t repossess the vehicle if he stops paying.

    My recommendation would be to take out a loan (yes, I know you thought you were out of consumer debt but you weren’t because you still owed the money on the truck) and pay off the loan. Then sell the truck to your ex at the same terms as his current plan but with the condition that he insure it. That gets the liability for his actions eliminated, doesn’t change his monthly payments, makes him responsible for the financial costs of the move, such as insurance and car registration and gives you a potential income stream, assuming he continues to pay the loan.

    Yes, you’ll go back into consumer debt but you were never out of it, you just had a payment plan for the truck debt (income from ex goes toward debt) but you were never out of consumer debt.

    • Reply Jen from Boston |

      This sounds reasonable. And CanadianKates makes a good point – legally you were never done with consumer debt as you still had a car loan.

      Hope, if you decide to go this route I strongly suggest you look into whether there are any banks near you that can set up the loan to your ex. Here Citizens Bank advertised Circle Lending which allowed people to make loans to family members,etc., with Citizens handling the payments, etc. This would be a good thing for you to do – it makes the loan official, so his paying you back on time gets reported to the credit bureaus, and it takes you out of the business of being the bad guy and chasing him for late payments, if he has any. In short, it takes the emotions out of it, which is the way it should be with money. Also, the bank would take care of the legalese necessary and you wouldn’t have to hire a lawyer or worry about that end of it.

  • Reply Shaun |

    Canadian Kate has a great plan. This keeps you helping him out, since that is your intention, and it gets your liability eliminated.

  • Reply Kiki |

    All I can say is don’t come crying to us when this all ends badly! You do not owe this man any type of financial commitment or support. He is a freeloader who has very little to do with his own children. I suspect there is some emotional attachment to this man that you cannot even admit to yourself. You are being very stubborn about this, Hope. Your first, only, and primary responsibility is to your children. Why are you putting their financial security at risk because of this vehicle? Get a freaking clue! You have received wise and good counsel here, and it behooves you to consider it carefully.

    • Reply CanadianKate |

      Kiki, Hope doesn’t function in the same me-first way most people function. So, I figure it is more constructive to give Hope a way she can handle this situation with minimum exposure to downside, while still allowing her to act as the forgiving, big hearted, person she is.

      Given how many selfish and conniving people there are in the world, the last thing I want to do is convert a breath of fresh air, who sees the good in each person, into a cynical, me-first, clone of all the others. It is fair to point out the hazards and pitfalls in her dreams, plans and actions, but more constructive to help her choose a path that helps her maintain the relationships she chooses to maintain.

      • Reply Jessica |

        I didn’t have any intention on commenting on this post but now I feel the need to throw in my two cents. Yes, I’m sure we can all agree that Hope is a kind-hearted, incredibly giving person…however – this whole situation feels shady and fraudulent to me (and I’m sure the financing bank and insurance company would agree). Unless his name is on the loan as well and he’s listed as the primary driver with the insurance, this whole thing is just WRONG!! Banks have rules against this type of thing for a reason and trying to scam the system by putting it all in your name is just wrong (if not illegal)

      • Reply Laura |

        There is a difference between “me first ” and letting people walk all over you. This situation is the latter. The people who should be coming first are the kids, whose financial security will be jeopardized if hope ends up with a financial mess on her hands if he wreaks the car, stops paying , etc

  • Reply debthaven |

    I’m sure you’re not going to go for this idea but I’m going to throw it out there anyway, because you never know.

    You expected money from the sale of the house that your dad owned but never received any. I understand that you chose not to pursue it (although I probably wouldn’t have made the same call).

    Your dad was extremely sympathetic to your ex, I remember he either bailed him out of jail or went to visit him (can’t remember the details) after your domestic violence incident.

    Would you ever consider asking your dad to reconsider about the house so you can pay off your ex’s car? I was astounded that your dad refused to give you any of the money from the sale but I’m guessing he thinks he’s “teaching” you something. He may feel differently about your ex.

    Hope you’ve been doing so well BUT you really need that vehicle paid off so you can’t be held liable.

    I believe that the universe presents us with the same difficult situations, until we learn or accept to face them head on. This situation potentially kills two birds with one stone: the money you didn’t receive from the sale of that house (which for all you know your dad has kept aside waiting for you to make decisions he “approves” of) and getting your name off that car loan for your ex.

    As somebody else said, it’s still consumer debt. And that’s what you’ve been tackling now …

    Best of luck to you Hope!

  • Reply debthaven |

    At this point I would even consider co-signing a loan for him. Not a great idea, I know, but still better than having him take a vehicule that’s in your name 23 hours away.

    By the way, does he really need a truck where he’s going?! That’s another thing that nobody has brought up or addressed. I understand he needs a vehicle, but does it need to be a truck?!

  • Reply Ryan |

    Congrats on being consumer debt free! I hope to be able to say the same within the next few years…funny how life continues to be complicated. Good luck with the truck scenario.

  • Reply Denise |

    Hope, I took some time this weekend to read through your personal blog. After reading that a.) your husband was often physically abusive to you, and b.) he is rarely around for the kids needs, I question why you defend him so much here and I especially question why you would put your own liability at risk for him? Additionally, you have been divorced for what… 7 years? How long does this financial obligation go on for? This all seems a bit sketchy. I think for your financial security, not to mention your mental health, you need to get out of this car loan.

    • Reply Marzey doats |

      I think hope is a very caring, giving person. Her ex, whatever his failings, is the father of hopes children, and will always be an important relationship for her. To Hope, the most important thing is to preserve the relationship, and not kick him when he is down. I think we should all accept that as a given. However, I do believe there are ways that Hope could reach her goal of not leaving her ex without transportation, and still get rid of this massive liability. I hope Hope understands that the problem here is NOT the debt, it is the liability and possible illegality of her insuring a car that she does not drive, and does not even reside in the same state as her. So her plan of paying the debt herself does not eliminate the problem. We have all come up with suggestions, some of which are more practical than others, of eliminating this problem ASAP. It would be easier to brainstorm options if we knew the size of the loan, but If Hope wants to keep that private, we have to respect that.
      Hope, it would be great if you gave us an update when you have researched the insurance aspect.

      • Reply Kiki |

        There seems to be more here than just the financial liability of her ex taking the vehicle out-of-state. I see Hope enabling a man who is rarely involved in his children’s lives! It would be much, much different if he was an active participant in the lives of his children, but folks, HE IS MOVING 23 HOURS AWAY! What does this mean? Well, of course, his children will see him even less. This is not a healthy way to live. Hell or high water, get that vehicle loan out of your life, Hope.

        And I don’t want to read anymore about “Well, Hope is such a kind and caring person.” Yes, that probably is true, but sometimes others have to learn to stand on their own two feet. Hope has the responsibility of her children AND the burden of this car loan in her name? What is wrong with this picture? Plenty!

      • Reply Sara |

        There is a huge difference between being a caring, giving person and being a doormat. If someone was abusive to me and an absentee father to our children, there’s no way in hell I’d continue enabling him to this extent. It’s called self-respect. Not to mention, what is this modeling to the kids? That someone can continually treat you badly and you just have to take it and continue giving of yourself? That’s really not something that anybody should learn.

        I get that Hope wants to keep him in her life for the sake of her kids, and that’s admirable. Truly. But I’m wondering if it’s harming more than helping, given the situation that’s been outlined here.

        • Reply Marzey doats |

          I get it. You feel like Hope shouldn’t help him because you think he is a schmuck. But you dont know him, and even if you did, it isnt part of the remit of a finance blog to judge other people’s relationships. Hope’s goal is to help her ex maintain his transportation. Taking away his car isnt going to help him see the children more! She can meet that goal, while still providing for her family, and fulfilling her responsibilities. That you wouldnt give the guy one thin dime is really beside the point.
          While I support Hope’s ability to set whatever financial goals she wants, I do think this car loan is a recipe for disaster, for all the reasons I outlined above. I think there are a lot of other, less potentially dangerous and illegal, ways to fulfill this goal, and I urge Hope to adopt one of them!

  • Reply H |

    I haven’t had a car in years (don’t need one where I live) but couldn’t this possibly impact your kids car insurance? if your ex is on your insurance and your kids are on your insurance soon, let’s say he has an accident- wouldn’t that make their probably already high rates higher?

    i don’t understand how you always say you have no consumer debt but you have the cars and your student loans… is there anything else we’re missing too? i can understand to a certain extent wanting to have some privacy but you’re choosing to be a financial/ debt blogger. why aren’t you being completely transparent?

  • Reply Jessica |

    Hope, I’m sorry but your blogging is becoming increasingly frustrating. You throw out these big ‘grenade’ type posts never to be seen again. It’s so irritating to read all of these well-written, thought out comments when you never respond or answer questions. I understand that you do this in your spare time, but it’s all one way and there’s no real discussion happening

    • Reply Anon |

      True. We don’t know what the balance is on this vehicle her ex drives. Also, wasn’t there a post recently about Hope purchasing a new car? Yeah, no discussion.

  • Reply debthaven |

    10 days later, still no concrete responses from Hope.

    We still don’t know the balance of the loan and we haven’t heard even a word about what Hope is doing about either the loan or the insurance issues.

    I find this very disappointing. I know that nobody has to put all their info out there, but the bloggers here are blogging here because they have purportedly agreed to do so.

    Both Ashley and Matt provide regular updates.

      • Reply Sam |

        It’s like she won’t answer the hard questions – not much point reading on her days if comments don’t get replied to. I love how engaged Ashley is.

    • Reply Laura |

      Agreed. Also no post on the car she bought and how she managed to do that without taking on more debt. And when was the last time we some an update with some concrete numbers? If you are just going to give half the story why bother blogging

  • Reply kili |

    Hi Hope,
    still enjoying reading from you, but I agree with the posters who say, it would be interesting if we got clearer of a picture: by exact numbers, by a more precise account of the new car etc.
    I also agree with the poster who suggested it might be helpful if you share with us what your decisions are base on regarding what you are comfortable with sharing with us and what you aren’t. Hope all is well at your end. Looking forward to reading from you on Wednesday.

  • Reply E.D. |

    Your willingness to work with XH is admirable, but I would sell your truck and if you are feeling generous, give him any excess after the loan is paid. You are already taking too much liability risk by owning and insuring a car that is being driven by someone who you are no longer related to. Add to that the fact that he has no legal obligation to pay you for the car since the loan is in your name and you have continued financial risk.

    • Reply Hope |

      Not sure you read the latest post…this car is not driven except on occasion to make sure everything is in working order and on the off chance that he visits the kids…which has happened a total of say ZERO times this year. When he’s seen the kids, it’s because I’ve made it happen…not him, so the car has not been involved. But thanks for saying what you said kindly.

So, what do you think ?