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Posts tagged with: perfectionist

Update on Dave Ramsey’s Course


As I shared a few weeks ago I was planning on signing up for Financial Peace University at my church.  Time got away from me and I decided not to sign up for this round.  It is probably for the best that I wait until the move is complete and I’m a bit more settled.  The kids are also heading into a crazy busy last nine weeks of school.  I want to be in a place where I can focus and not be frantically participating. The church does offer them on a pretty regular basis.

Speaking of church, we had a sad event strike our community recently.  A church member and employee stole $25,000.  We have learned that this individual is battling addiction and the money went to support his habit.  What a tragedy!  This man is someone we all know and saw on a regular basis as a man dedicated to faith and family.  Our pastor sent out a beautiful email reminding all of us of our own human frailty and that this person is deserving of love and support in this difficult time.  The email was one I went back to and read several times.  While struck by the pain of this individual family and our church community, I also read it from a very personal perspective.

We are all flawed.  That is what it means to be human.  A huge part of my recovery from bad relationship choices is recognizing I am human and forgiving myself.  In spite of my debt load, I am a perfectionist and my second marriage was the result of excessive berating of myself for the failure of the first.  Now I’ve said before this isn’t a self-help blog but so much of this stuff is tied to my financial mistakes too.  I married the second husband knowing, on some level, that it was a bad choice.  But in my confused state that was the result of huge disappointment related to the first marriage, I somehow thought that I deserved an unpleasant relationship!  Unpleasant is a very nice way of describing my second marriage and I have to use that word right now b/c every other word that comes to mind is profane.  🙂

That’s the rough news.  The good news is I am connecting the dots!  With the help of a phenomenal family therapist (that #2 and I did marriage counseling through), I am connecting the dots!  And that is another reason I’m finding financial “wins.”  My entire mindset is changing and instead of seeking out negative reinforcements of my negative mental programming, I am seeking very different, positive self-talk.  I DO deserve financial freedom.  I DO NOT need more stuff to distract myself from the recordings in my head!  It’s that change that is creating the snowball effect in all areas of my life! I realize all of this sounds very Stuart Smalley of me but what can I say?  The moment struck me that this needed to be shared!

Woo Hoo!  Let’s hear it for forgiveness and mercy and always knowing that today is a new day!