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Lawyer No-Go

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Technically, this post should have come before my moving post because this happened prior to the move, but as I’m sure you can imagine things were pretty chaotic the few days leading up to and then right after the move so I’m circling back to this now.

On the advice of several readers, I decided to book a consultation with a lawyer prior to moving. I’m glad I did, as it really convinced me that I DO need to move forward with proper representation. But the specific person I met with is a big No-Go for me.

I went directly to the lawyer consultation from work one afternoon.

Walking in, I wasn’t even greeted by the office staff. I literally stood there, kind of waiting to be acknowledged, and then when I wasn’t I signed into the Sign-In sheet (kind of like what you see at a doctors’ office – totally odd), and just sat down to wait.

I was kept waiting about 10 minutes past my appointment time. Not a huge deal, I’ve been kept waiting longer elsewhere so I wasn’t too worried about it.

Then the lawyer walks out to greet me (first person to even acknowledge me – the office staff literally never said a word. Not a “hello”, no offer of a bottle of water from their fully stocked mini-fridge, nothing). I follow him back to his office. First thing he asks is, “So, why are you considering a legal separation rather than a divorce?”

I answered with the first response that came to mind – the response that seemed most genuine and correct. I said, “Well, we’re not sure about divorce at this point.”

In response to this, the lawyer literally rolled his eyes (HE ROLLED HIS EYES!!!) and said, “I need you to be honest in order for me to best help you. Is the reason you’re seeking legal separation because you need to stay on your husbands’ insurance and benefits?”

UMMMMMM, COME AGAIN????

I was floored. I mean, truly shocked. First, that he’d talk to me this way (coupled with the non-verbal eye-roll). Second, that this is 2018 and misogyny is so clearly alive and well.

I was like….”No, actually. It’s more so that HE will be able to stay on MY insurance and benefits.”

But seriously….wtf? There was no coming back for the guy at this point. We did go on to have a reasonable consultation and I feel like I received some valuable advice. But in no way, shape, or form do I want to go back and retain this person to serve as my legal representative.

Has anyone else had a similar experience with a lawyer before? This was my only consultation so far, but I’ve dealt with lawyers in regard to my Dad’s estate before and have never had these types of interactions. I know lawyers get kind of a bad reputation as a group, but this was bad, y’all. It felt so rude and condescending. Bottom line, I WILL be moving forward with trying to establish legal representation and have help with completing and filing the legal separation paperwork. But I will NOT be using this guy. I just moved and am still settling in so this has been put on the back-burner for now, but soon I’ll start making the calls to new folks and trying to set up additional consultations. Maybe I’ll purposely look for some female lawyers, just because.


Some Big Changes on the Horizon for Hope’s Family

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My grandmother made the comment that I have been keeping secrets this week. And while I don’t consider myself a secret keeper, I do value my privacy especially after the last couple of years of turmoil.

But there are a couple of big changes in the works around here that I thought I would take this time to share. Both could potentially have some serious implications, financial and otherwise.

So I’ll just dive right in…

Gymnastics Replaced by Football – Maybe?

Gymnast (yikes, does this mean I might have to change his blog name?) has been making noises about playing football since school started. I think it’s mostly the result of:

  1. Seeing the team spirit around the school (he just started public school in January so this is the first time he’s been around this.)
  2. The cut back in gym time from gymnastics and he has tons of extra energy.

I finally broke down and called the coach this week, and he agreed to evaluated Gymnast. That happened this past week.

Gymnast is working out with the football team all this week. He will have to make a decision about gymnastics and football at the end of the week.

football field

Thusfar, it has only cost me a pair of cleats ($67.) And from my conversation with the coach there is one more piece of equipment I will have to buy if he remains (a girdle.)

This is what I hoped for when I pulled him out of gymnastics. I wanted him to play a team sport, something through the school…but to be honest, football would not have been my choice. I’m excited and scared.

There will be financial implications, logistics implications and big life changes if he chooses football. I guess I may start seeing those next week depending on his choice. Yikes!

A Boyfriend or More?

I dove in the world of online dating last fall. I mostly thought I would have some fun, meet some people and maybe have some funny stories to write about for my personal blog. This has been a really lonely move for me, a hard move. Online dating was my remedy.

I quickly realized that I did not really like the whole online thing and within a month left the online sites. But there were several men that I stayed in touch with.

Fast forward nine months since our online meeting, and one of those men and I are now in a committed relationship. My first real committed relationship since my marriage ended 11+ years ago. He is moving to our town in two weeks. He wants to marry me.

My family has been informed about him and will meet him next month. (My ex has also been informed about him.) I do not know what the future holds, but again, a big change for us.

I’m not really ready to answer more questions, but if things get more serious, well, you know there is now another aspect to my life. But because like BAD readers, I know we are naturally curious here’s what I will tell you.

He has two grown children. He’s worked in construction and had planned this move, or at least a move to Georgia prior to meeting me. He’s moving here from Florida where he’s lived his whole life. He knows everything about me, the good, the bad, the highs and the lows. And I’ve never felt more understood and supported.

We’ve spent the bulk of the last 9 months writing several letters a week. Spent hours on the phone and video calls. I will meet him mom and some of his family when he moves up in a couple of weeks. And we are going to take it slow.

The kids know all about him and are comfortable with the thought of him and know our desires for a possible forever relationship. Gymnast is especially excited about a possible step-dad.  But other than a special letter he wrote to them, talks on the phone and video chats, they have not met him in person.

Yikes, this was a bit hard to write. There’s no manual for single mom dating, or person in debt dating. I’m just kind of feeling my way. Any BAD readers been through this? Have any advice?