by Ashley
Just over six months ago, I wrote a post about an interesting parenting tactic for helping teach teens how to budget.
At the time I wrote about it in a generic “what an interesting concept” type of way, but also thought my kids were still too young for that.
Smash cut to today.
I allowed my kids to get on Facebook when they entered 8th grade, and they’ve been sending me Facebook reels about this exact same concept. If you haven’t read that previous post, the idea is basically this: you figure out how much you typically spend on your child, average it out per month, give it to them, and let them learn to budget and spend it wisely.
So I already had this in the back of my head. As in, yes, I think this is a good idea (or some modified version).
And then – TRAGEDY STRUCK (a bit euphemistic here).
As my teens were getting ready for school, one of my girls RIPPED HER JEANS and was left in a puddle of tears crying, “I HAVE NOTHING TO WEAR!”
This was very frustrating for me, given that her drawers are overflowing with clothes, including SEVEN different pairs of jeans.
Am I the only one who has found that sometimes I’ll take my kids clothing shopping, they find something they love…and then they never wear its home? Just me?
I can’t think of much I hate more than realizing my kid has outgrown something that is still BRAND NEW WITH TAGS ON!
So with all these thoughts swirling in my mind I decided it’s time.
I’m giving the girls their own budget.
In my prior Teaching Teens to Budget blog post, the idea was to give kids money for everything kid-related (e.g., sports registration fees, entertainment and fun, school events and extra-curriculars). But that felt like too much too soon. And, honestly, none of those things are the real problem. Our problem is classic teen girl stuff: makeup and clothes.
Image source: Ron Lach/Pexels
Here’s my plan:
KIDS BUY:
Clothing & Accessories
- 100% of all clothes, including:
- Shirts, tops
- Pants, jeans, shorts, skirts, bottoms
- Bras & panties & socks
- Tennis shoes, dress shoes, flip flops, boots, sandals, crocs
- Any accessories, including belts, jewelry, hair bows, scrunchies, etc.
- Pajamas/sleepwear
- Swimsuits and cover ups
- Jackets, hoodies, sweaters
- Hats & sunglasses
- Purses/bags/wallets
- Costume or special outfits (e.g., spirit week, themed days, holiday, school dance)
Makeup & Skincare
- 100% of all makeup and skincare, including any associated items
- primer, setting spray, makeup, clips or thing to pull hair back, etc.
- Face or lip masks
- Makeup remover wipes
- Acne patches
- Makeup brushes or sponges
- Nail polish, remover, files, etc.
Toiletries
- Fancy shampoos and conditioners
- Hair masks
- Hair dye and related items
- Fancy hand soap, lotion, or body wash
- Styling products (gel, mousse, curl cream, heat protectant)
- Dry shampoo
- perfume/body spray
- Fancy lotions
- Bath bombs, bubble bath
MOM BUYS
Clothing & Accessories
- NONE
Makeup & Skincare
- NONE
Toiletries
- Basic deodorant
- Basic hand soap, lotion, and body wash
- Razors
- Tooth brushes
- Mouthwash or floss
- Sunscreen
- Feminine hygiene products
Setting the Ground Rules
I’ve typed up a simple contract where we all agree to terms. No borrowing. No advances. When the money is gone for a month, it’s gone.
We can check in periodically and talk through whether adjustments are needed.
How much money are we talking about
I budget pretty meticulously, but I budget at the household level. I don’t break spending out per child. It’s just “clothing” or “household,” not whose item it was.
Because of that, I wasn’t totally sure what made sense.
My initial guess was $75 per child per month. Some months we spend very little – $50 or less. Other months (hello back-to-school) are much more expensive, especially once shoes are involved.
After doing some Googling, I found USDA estimates suggest families spend closer to $100 per month per teenager on clothing – and that doesn’t even include makeup or hair products.
I am comfortable starting with $100/month/teen.
At first that felt like a big jump. But this isn’t new money. It’s money I’m already spending – just re-allocated into a new budget line called Teen Budget.
This isn’t a raise. It’s a reshuffle.
What I think Will Happen
I absolutely expect both kids to immediately want to spend the entire $100 on a couple cute tops and a pair of jeans, and then realize they’re out of money when mascara runs out.
But I actually think that kind of small failure can be a valuable learning experience,
I’m already coaching them to think ahead about larger expenses. They’re starting in a good place (i.e., stocked up on makeup and plenty of clothes), which gives them room to save toward a solid back-to-school haul in July (school starts in August).
Final Thoughts
So…wish me luck. What do you think? Is $100 too much or too little? Is 13 too young?
Parenting is wild. It’s the most important job, but there’s no rule book and every kid is different! I’m cautiously optimistic for this little experiment. I’m hopeful that any missteps become learning moments. And hopefully the missteps will be few and far-between.
Hi, I’m Ashley! Arizonan on paper, Texan at heart. Lover of running, blogging, and all things cheeeeese. Early 40s, married mother of two, working in academia. Trying to finally (finally!) pay off that ridiculous 6-digit student loan debt!
I’d look at what you actually spent on the things you want to assign to the girls as a monthly average from the actual last year spend. That does seem like a long list to cover from $100/month, although I assume the message is that many of those things should be purchased much less often than once per month.
I might consider a phase-in on that list. I mean they will still need some basic clothing and they are still growing out of clothes, right? So maybe start the budget with a shorter list of pure discretionary items, then work up to the longer list. Also, maybe I am triggered by my own teenage experience, but I would put reasonable facial skincare and acne care under mom pays. And not floss OR mouthwash, floss!! I would have so much more money today if I started a good flossing habit as a teen.
I’m not opposed to providing basic face wash in the “Mom buys” category. I think my issue is my kids currently act like I have a bottomless wallet and there’s no limits so they ask for more and more and more (all disguised as “needs”). I want them to struggle a bit and realize they cannot buy all the fancy makeup and skincare (and they don’t even need it! They’re 13!) and to be more judicious about the clothing they pick. If they buy it – they better plan to wear it!
I hear you, but I’m bristling a bit that you still aren’t budging on acne care past a basic face wash. That’s kind of the approach my parents had towards me, and now I’m dealing with permanent scarring on my face which has affected me professionally and socially.
Yeah, they are only 13, so maybe slow down on including so much in what they should struggle a bit on. I was trying to be nice in my first comment, but I really think your proposal has the stakes too high for 13 year olds. They are not mature enough to handle such a stark transition. You’re setting them up to fail.
I don’t think anyone disagrees that they shouldn’t expect you to open up the wallet for extra stuff. I just question whether your list is realistic for their success given the apparent status quo, and whether some of the items you propose are silly wants are really things you want them to struggle with.
ok, I am a slightly cooled off. Your attitude about some of these things touched a nerve. I guess I wonder if you are setting them for long term success, or setting them up to make a point?
I didn’t mean to strike a nerve! Luckily, my kids don’t struggle with bad acne (yet? Nothing so far!). If they were to have something like that, I think of it more as a medical necessity than just one of the many skincare products that are more “want” versus “need.” And I would, of course, handle any and all medical needs without expecting that to come from their budget.
Love this! One tiny suggestion – my parents did something similar, with an exception for clothing for sports. For me, this meant my mom still bought my swimsuits to be on the swim team and paid for running shoes and a few pairs of shorts when I joined track. Her rational, which I liked, was that sports can be so good for girl’s self esteem, so she didn’t want me to skip a sport I wanted to try because the equipment and clothes would take away from fun clothes. If I wanted say a team sweatshirt with my name on the back or a tshirt from an invitational, that came out of my budget. May not apply to your girls, but I wanted to throw this out!
I think this is a good thing for me to take into consideration! They’re sill in middle school so any sports-related expenses are very budget-friendly (e.g., black shorts – of any type/kind!). But certainly I could see some sports uniforms or related items getting expensive and I don’t want cost to deter them from participating. Thanks for the comment!
Mom of a 13-year-old boy here, I’m curious how it goes. I’m also amused at how different my son’s spending habits are, lol. He couldn’t care less about clothes/shoes/personal hygiene products. He’d probably spend a lot of it on upgrades in video games. I am proud of him for saving up for an upgrade to his cell phone though.
Wow, that’s amazing that he saved up to upgrade his cell phone!!!
It’s funny because I am NOT a clothing girlie and never have been. I loathe shopping and treat it more as a chore than anything. Meanwhile, my girls LOOOOOVE to shop and would rather shop than do other “entertainment” type of stuff (e.g., they’d choose the mall over the movies, for instance). Its so foreign for me! haha!
The clothing they have to buy I think is way too much to put on them. A serious winter jacket and winter boots are things I would still expect a parent to buy for a kiddo. All the frills, is what they should be focused on figuring out, imo. But I have no kids!
We don’t have winter boots or jackets (its 78 degrees here today, for instance). But point taken. I could see how some of this might not work in some areas because, yes, serious winter clothing is a lot more expensive. My kids don’t need anything more than a hoodie or sweatshirt though (and they have plenty of those at the moment, so they dont need anything new right now).
I get you. I had forgotten that you’re in AZ, so no real heavy gear to speak of. I think it still sounds like a lot to have them buy all their clothes but it sounds like they do need to learn the difference between wants and needs in terms of spending on things. It will be hard because it always is going from getting everything you want within reason of course, to getting everything you want from your own bank account, good luck!
Your research tells you to plan on $100 for clothing alone. Expecting them to cover clothes, makeup, skincare and any special toiletries with the same amount might be asking too much.
You’re right – it might be asking too much. Also, though, it might be a good lesson for them to see how much those things cost and to reign them in a bit. I personally don’t think they even need skincare. I personally never did anything beyond simple face wash and lotion until I was in my 30s. The kids these days are out there buying primer, setting spray, and everything in-between and I don’t think its even necessary. I’m totally open to trying this and seeing how it goes and adjusting if needed.
We have an 8th grade girl and do something similar but get to the dollar amount a bit differently. When both of our children turned 8 (we also have a 10 year old boy) we started giving them a weekly allowance of their age. This is also the year their laundry becomes their responsibility. The allowance is used for extras they want and they’ve also used it to purchase gifts for family members’ birthdays, etc. Once middle school starts we add money for grades. I was 100% against this, but my husband won the argument and it has truly been fantastic. We have set amounts for A’s and B’s; nothing for C’s; and then money would be owed for a D or F (thankfully we haven’t had to deal with that!). She gets a lump sum each nine weeks and uses this for clothes, makeup, etc. I buy most of the basic personal hygiene products you referenced (although she sometimes opts to buy her own). I do pay school trip fees (but not extra spending money) but not necessarily something like a high school football game. If she goes with us, I pay; if with friends, she pays. We are on year 3 of this concept and it has been incredible. She manages her money, buys what she wants/needs and has even managed to save over $500. She has become very specific with what she buys – even better than I am! She’s also learned how to make the money last and no longer spends it all at once. Last semester, a couple of weeks went by after grades came out and I kept forgetting to pay her. She didn’t remember either! There are times when she might ask me to split a pair of shoes or some article of clothing. When I do, she is so incredibly grateful. Which is fun! I agree with Hannah’s comment on sports. I purchase anything sports related unless she wants an upgrade. I also set a budget for birthday gifts for friend parties. If she wants to do more, she will use her own money to add to it. All of this has helped our relationship SO much! I’m loving having a 14 year old and watching her grow and mature and make her own choices. Oh, and her laundry skills improved dramatically when she started buying her clothes – she hang dries almost everything so that it will last longer!
Thank you for your comment! This is really heartening to see how it’s worked for your kids and it sounds like it’s going great AND has even helped your relationship!! I love that so much!
Also thats a great idea about the grades! I like that this is kind of a “bonus” and definitely incentivizes working hard. I might think about adding something like this to our setup, too!
I like the thinking but I think it is too drastic. I think you start with non-need cosmetics and clothing, along with fun chosen activities (eating out, Starbucks, movies, bday gifts for friends, etc). Or set a budget for items of clothing and anything over that is from their allowance. The sheer amount of items you want them to budget for suddenly is totally overwhelming. You can sit down and say “You need new athletic shoes, I am willing to pay $75, if what you want is more, that comes from your allowed budget”. There are things that are so important to spend money on that a kid might not do (ie good athletic shoes, good clean make up, etc). As they get older you can add items, like gas for their cars, etc. You also hate to see them spend money on fast fashion like Shein and Temu, it is insanely bad for the environment.
This is kind of similar to what we did in the past (e.g., setting a budget of $75 for shoes and anything over is on them), but I found it was not working for us. They constantly “needed” more and more and more. I hope that by putting them in charge of their own budget they’ll start to see that many of their “needs” are actually wants. And they will learn to be more judicious in what they choose to buy because currently, they have a lot of clothing items that they claimed were “needs” that never end up getting worn! That’s super frustrating for me!
I think this is a little steep. I know you’re in TX, but I’d plan to buy quality winter or rain gear, and quality sneakers and boots. If your kids lose them, then it’s on them to replace. But my (kind of) still growing kids get basically 2 pairs of sneakers a year, Keens/water sandals in the summer and ankle type boots in the Fall. Since they’re adolescents, I think it’s reasonable for you to cover a basic acne wash if they need it (drugstore brand type). And I’d plan to give them a set amount toward a homecoming or prom dress—like you give them $50 and they cover the rest or whatever.
JJ made the same point about quality winter wear. I’m actually in Arizona and we have basically no winter to speak of. We only got below freezing for a handful of nights this “winter” and its 79 degrees as I write this comment currently (in early February). We have no need for quality winter wear, but I take the point that this might not work in many or even most places in the country.
Related to the basic acne wash – I think you’re right that I should provide that (someone else had the same comment). I don’t want them to skip or go without because they ran out of money. I’d rather than lesson be learned when they run out of makeup, not face wash!