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When absolutely everything is up in the air…again

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If you’ve read BAD for more than a few years, you know that my life has been a roller coaster to say the least. Not what I wished for, planned for, or always my fault. I have to own that some of the challenges are due to my poor planning and preparation. But, ugh, I just feel like I never get a break.

So once again, everything in my life is up in the air…

  • I’ve been told that my contact job will end in February at latest. (I actually have a call with my boss today unexpectedly so that doesn’t bode well.)
  • While my mom’s health continues to decline, my dad must now start some treatment of his own which puts a greater burden on my 3 (of the 4) siblings who are supporting my dad as primary caretaker for my mom. They will now also need to step up more for my dad.
  • My adopted/not really adopted daughter has been arrested and it does not look good. Her bond was set at $19,400 (no property bond allowed). I just can’t swallow putting down almost $3,000 to get her out for what would be temporary since she did and admitted to doing what she is charged with. And I feel like a terrible person for that. Just terrible.
  • Gymnast has been unable to find another job. Because of his age his options are really limited here. That really puts a damper on his delays to move and have several months of expenses saved. I know this is not my problem and, of course, he is welcome to stay here. But he doesn’t need to stay here. He needs to be in a bigger city with more opportunity.

Decisions, decisions, decisions

And probably the worst of it…the absolute worst, is that my mental health is really suffering. All the upheaval of last year with the loss of my dream job/team, failure of my new contract to permanent position to materialize, failure of my relationship, and the unexpected overwhelming sense of loss I am experiencing as I face empty nesting, I just can’t seem to get my head on straight. I have always been a see what I want and go get it kind of person, decisive, and never wavering in my confidence. All that…yeah, like poof gone!

chaos going on in the brain

Work

First priority, securing work. I’m putting in applications like it’s going out of style. I have opened up the possibility of relocating, working onsite, hybrid or continuing remote. This is huge for me as I have been remote for almost 20 years. But with no kids to care for anymore, there is really no reason to not be open to anything out there.

I am super proud of my newly revised resume. But I am floundering big time in my career path. The other day I googled “jobs that let me love people.” I know, crazy. Purpose and passion – this is what I need. I suppose this stems from the empty nest and not having anyone to care take for anymore. Who knew that would be such a big loss versus freeing as I expected?!? I’ve also got and had several calls with recruiters so I am doing what I am supposed to.

In addition, I am considering revitalizing my business, but it’s not my first choice and what I would do…still very fuzzy.

Texas Bound

My family has certainly mentioned on a couple of occasions that I should think about moving there. And I did add it as an optional location for relocation in my job search. I know my siblings could use the help with my parents, but they also understand why it’s been important for me to be here with my kids. I am certainly applying down in the Texas area.

Frankly, though, the thought of a move to a higher cost of living area, housing insecurity, and all, just scares the crap out of me. (Pardon my french there.)

Kids

I would really prefer not to leave Georgia until Princess finishes school. I’m sure that’s just me, but I feel like she does still need me, at least sometimes. And History Buff is just getting back on his feet – good job, back in school. And Beauty may be going to prison for a while but would need somewhere to go after.

One day at a time

Can you tell I’m just feeling overwhelmed by everything? The pressure of the unknown is hitting me from every angle. Needless to say, I’m making minimum debt payments until the job situation is resolved. And hunkering down as best I can, this job market is tough with all the layoff of super talented people.

 

 


5 Comments

  • Reply jj |

    That is so much to navigate. My heart goes out to you. Have you worked with a recruiter at all, who may be able to get your foot in the door at least to interview? I would otherwise say revitalize the business so you can be earning some income at least. My heart goes out to Beauty, because as much as you did provide for her, sometimes we cannot escape these things from happening – it has happened to friends of mine, they are great eggs but things happen 🙁 I hope things do turn around for you all soon.

  • Reply Laura |

    Focus on finding a job before you make any big decisions like moving, since that is the important thing right now. Maybe you could even find another temp job. Then breathe. You’ve had a lot of upheaval in the last few months. Now is not the time for more life altering changes.

    Separately, could Gymnast move to Texas to help take care of your Dad? He could live with them in exchange for help while he tries to find a job there.

  • Reply Katie |

    I am sorry. I have had my own struggles lately with mental health, kids and finding a job. It can be overwhelming. I’m glad that you’re open to moving, that will open up possibilities. Applying for remote work is great, but you’re competing with everyone qualified in the country for those jobs. If you do think you will have to move, I’d use this time to take a hard look around your home and make any changes needed to sell your house. You’ve said you’re in an area where it will be tough to sell because of limited interest. Now is the time to do all the painting, prepping and look at making your kitchen more traditional.

  • Reply Den |

    I’m so sorry you are going thru this Hope – life sure can be messy!

    Do you have a therapist? Might be something to consider to help with your mental health!

So, what do you think ?