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Posts tagged with: train

‘Stuff’ My Dad Says

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Every once in a while, I try to read a book that isn’t somehow related to the economy, personal finance, or motivation. While I don’t write reviews of these books here, they are a big part of the reason I’m still sane…or at least a version of sane anyway.

I rented ‘Sh*t My Dad Says’ by Justin Halpern from the library and didn’t anticipate sharing it with you based on the fact that it isn’t about finance AND, let’s be honest, the name of the book makes it a rough sell – but hear me out.

Halpern moved home with his father at 29 after a particularly difficult break-up. Eternally amused and occasionally miffed by lessons from his father, he decided to write them down. The stories and quotes are funny and weirdly touching. Don’t tell anyone but – I cried during the last chapter.

It seemed like a good idea to read it on the train. ‘Seemed’ being the operative word.

I laughed so hard, people started to stare. Once I realized this, I attempted to stifle my laughter by closing my mouth… which only made my giggles come loudly out my nose as snorts. What seemed like 10 minutes into my commute, I looked up and realized I had missed my stop…3 stops ago.

After work, on the way home, I thought I fought the urge to burst into laughter a little better but when I went to exit the train, a gentleman touched my arm and asked what book I was reading. A little embarrassed, I showed him the cover and he said, ‘I have never seen someone laugh so much in a 45 minute period. I’m buying that book. Thanks for the afternoon entertainment.’

Here are some of the reasons I couldn’t stop laughing…

ON THE DEATH OF OUR FIRST DOG
He was a good dog. Your brother is pretty broken up about it, so go easy on him. He had a nice last moment with Brownie before the vet tossed him in the garbage.

ON MY BLOODY NOSE
What happened? Did somebody punch you in the face?!… The what? The air is dry? Do me a favor and tell people you got punched in the face.

ON SHOPPING FOR PRESENTS FOR HIS BIRTHDAY
If it’s not bourbon or sweatpants, it’s going in the garbage… No, don’t get creative. Now is not a creative time. Now is a bourbon and sweatpants time.

The worst thing you can be is a liar… Okay, fine, yes, the worst thing you can be is a Nazi, but then number two is a liar. Nazi one, liar two.”

“Are you wearing perfume? …Son, there ain’t any cologne in this house, only your mother’s perfume. I know that scent, and let me tell you, it’s disturbing to smell your wife on your thirteen-year-old son.”

WARNING WARNING WARNING: This book contains profuse use of profanity. If you are at all sensitive, don’t read it.


Work Mistakes…

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As I’ve said before, having a job is a vital part to paying off debt. I try my best to work hard, to get along with others, and to be enthusiastic about serving the public.

Friday, I wasn’t ‘feeling it’. Late nights paired with high stress had me pooped by Friday and I hit the snooze button far more than I should have.

I rolled out of bed, threw my nappy unwashed hair into a pony tail, and put on my uniform without ironing it. I caught the train to work and arrived my usual 45 minutes early – 30 of which I should have spent getting ready and ironing at least my shirt. I sluggishly walked into the elevator, hit the floor button, and leaned my sleepy head against the wall. Just as the doors started to close, a hand slipped through the doors and in walked the equivalent of the company CEO.

I’ve met the guy approximately 2 times in the 6 months I’ve worked there.

He gave me a slow once over – and it wasn’t because I looked smoking hot in my uniform. He looked at my crumpled pants, my against policy un-tucked shirt, and said a very crisp, ‘Well… good morning.’

I heard ‘No Scrubs’ by TLC blaring on my brain radio.

I’ve always been told to dress for the job you want and not for the job you have. I’m fairly certain I will be demoted to janitorial staff by tomorrow.

Never again folks. Never again will I dress like that.