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Posts tagged with: housing debacle

Focused on Housing


All debt pay off is on hold for this moment as I focus my energy and quite possibly my money on our housing situation.  We were SO close at the beginning of this week to making a decision and making a move, but in the end I backed out.

I have all channels open in the housing search and am giving myself until Sept 1 to make a decision.  Here is where we are at:

House to Buy

I have qualified for a down payment grant so with just 3.5% down I can buy a house.  I have set the limit on this right at $100K which would make my house payment right around $600-700 and leave me plenty to make improvements and tackle any issues that came up.  A very gracious real estate agent is on the lookout for this.  If it doesn’t work out by my Sept 1 deadline, I have a second deadline for her of May 1.  Here’s what we are looking for: 1) within 30-40 drive radius of our city, 2) 4 bedrooms, 3) at least 2 bathrooms, 4) first floor master and 5) at least an acre, prefer a bit more and isolated enough for chickens.

Status: We found our DREAM home, a fixer upper with 4 acres for $90K.  Unfortunately, it needed to much work to qualify for a regular mortgage.  Boo!

House to Rent

Seeking 3+ bedroom, 2+ bath for rent that will allow all our animals.  Still want first floor master but am finding myself even more willing to compromise on that as we get closer to the deadline.  Very unrealistic goal to stay around same rent level at $1300, so have looked a bit higher lately but it makes me cringe.

Status:  Have pretty much ruled this out.  Found an amazing home that would have suited perfectly.  It has been on the market for a while and seller seemed rather anxious to rent it as a result, but after a conversation regarding our animals and his nervousness AND more importantly running numbers, I have decided that this would be a STUPID financial decision (rent $1700) and did not quite trust him on the animal front.  So I emailed him yesterday and graciously said, thanks but no thanks.  Kids were quite sad, but I think they understand.

Three Bedroom Apartment

I wrote earlier in the summer about the large waiting list at our current apartment complex for their three bedrooms.  Well, when I went into to discuss options for terminating if we found a house, I asked again.  There are 2 available in September!  And more importantly, they are on special for $1300, approx the same I’m paying for the 2 bedroom.  But it is on the second floor (I hate stairs if you haven’t figured that out,) and on the other side of the complex so not quite the ease of use for the dog park.

Status: Kids are all voting to move.  I’m in limbo, reasons being 1) not sure who would get the single room and 2) would not be as comfortable with the little ones taking the dogs out alone.  Not to mention to pack and move, when I have a definite end game goal of moving to a purchased home in May when the school year is over.


Stay where we are, sign a lease through May and just deal.  Maybe rearrange rooms again because Princess is definitely struggling with not having any privacy…ever (ahem, I am too,) and Little Gymnast and the Twins are ALWAYS often at each others’ throats.

Status: This is definitely the way I’m leaning.  No packing, no moving, no stairs, no inconvenient dog park, no fighting over small single room.  And I keep thinking with the school year picking back up and us getting back to our busy schedules, there won’t be quite so much togetherness so maybe the bickering and stress levels will settle back down.

So this is where my time is being spent these days…the housing debacle.  I am SO ready for this to be done!

SIDE NOTE: Have you all heard of this contest where a couple is giving away a farm here in Virginia on an essay contest… I’m sorely tempted to enter!

The Book is Closed on our Old Home


So I am closing the book on the old house and many wanted to know the final chapter.  There is not much to tell, and this will be the last time I will bring it up here, but I didn’t want to leave you wondering.  So to understand it all, especially if you have joined us in the last couple of months, here’s a recap of the posts regarding my housing debacle.

Three Years, Six Moves – When I wrote this back in April, 2014, I said we were home.  Little did I know how quickly that would change.

The Best Laid Plans

Why I Decided Not to Buy My Home

The Ultimatum

The Curse

The Next Step

The House is in Chaos

I Quit

Oh What a Feeling

The House Sold

Chapter Closed

So now that you are caught, I want to tell you how it ended.  As you know, in December, after several months on the market, I got what I thought would be the best offer on selling my van but the difference between my loan amount and the sales price was more than I had readily available so I had to make up the difference to make the sale happen. Needless to say, time was of the essence.

I had had several brief conversations with my dad without trying to pressure him, asking about the house, and he consistently said he didn’t have time to review it.  This time I called with a purpose.  I let him know the situation and asked if he had time to consider the house monies that he had said several times I would receive as this would be a big help at this point.

His words “well, if I was going to give you money, it wouldn’t be for a car.”  I was shocked speechless.  First, it was never my intent to ask for him to give me money.  I felt and he had indicated during several conversations that I would get some money from the sale of the house since I had paid all related expenses for four years, put the blinds in, paid for all the appliances (which were sold with the house,) added a patio, landscaping, etc. Essentially I treated the home as my own and incurred all relevant expenses including my own renters insurance and his owners insurance, etc.  Ok, you get my point, I was in no way asking for a handout.

He then went on in the same conversation to say that he had been thinking we could open a joint account, where we would both have to sign to get money out and he would match my savings toward a house with the money rather than give it to me.  If I wasn’t still speechless from the “give” suggestion, I was shaking in anger now.  Control.  He still wanted control.

I knew with no doubt that I was not ever going to consider that option and frankly, I let him know what I thought in no uncertain terms.  Now, I don’t want to seem ungrateful for what he did four years ago after our two rental homes fell through, BUT my dad has ALWAYS used money to control.  He would take away my car when he didn’t agree with my decisions, he would threaten to stop paying for school when he didn’t agree, and that’s just me.  I am not in any way trying to bash my dad, I love him, respect him, but this is fact.

You see four years ago, when the second rental house fell through I put all my stuff in a POD as we began to travel as I figured out what to do.  The POD would have allowed me to move anywhere, sending for my stuff when I figured it out.  That was my plan, travel around for a while and then decide.  That was when Dad stepped in and offered to help me buy a house here where he and my mom lived. I know he was doing what he thought was best for me and my two kids at the time but it was also a control move.

So back to the final conversation my dad and I had about the house…I told him in no uncertain terms that I would NEVER, EVER get into a financial relationship with him again. And based on our conversation I would assume that he never intended to give me any money from the house.  I also told him that I thought he took advantage of me.  If he had been honest about the house money from the beginning I would not have put EVERY SINGLE extra penny into the house to get it ready to sell as I really needed that money for my family.  I have now totaled the money I put into the house to get it ready for sale plus utilities for the two months after we moved out, and I spent $4000 on that alone.

So no, my dad has never given me a dime from the house and I don’t expect he will.  And you know what, that’s fine.  I learned a very, very hard lesson.  My children have learned some really hard lessons.  And what ever happens next, we did that.  No man will ever have that kind of control over me again.

I am in no way male bashing.  I know there are some great guys, husbands, fathers out there.  I see them all the time with their children, with my friends.  But after my marriage and my brothers and my dad, I’m done, completely and totally done.