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Browsing posts in: Spending Money

Money Mindset – Still a work in progress

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I have struggled with my relationship with money my entire life. It began as ignorance…seriously, I graduated from college, move to a big city (Chicago) and even bought a couple of cars and had absolutely no idea how money works. No clue that credits scores existed, never heard of debt to income ratio and the list goes on and on. I was wholly unprepared to be a financially responsible adult. Wholly!

I have written about that before, how I believe our schools should have a required curriculum on basic personal finance concepts. But I digress.

Even 6 years ago, I was struggling, not only with my terrible decision making, but also just know what financial concepts were and how they worked together.

I found myself reverting to “old” thinking the other day. And I quickly squashed it.

Many BAD readers will remember that my budgeting process was kind of backwards. I would compile all my line items. And the plan to make the amount of money I needed to meet all my needs and wants. Yes, I know stupid.

The last two years with a healthy regular income, really helped me turn the corner. I knew how much I was going to bring in and I knew the cadence. But I’m back to contracting…and while I do have regular pay and a regular pay schedule. I find my mind returning to “the old ways” – planning a budget outside of my means.

As of this week, I am in negotiations to turn my contract work into a full time job. I have asked for a bit more money than I am making now. So we shall see how it goes. I haven’t decided if I will remain here if they won’t budge on salary. But we will see. Wish me luck!

A gift for me

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Single mamas don’t get a lot of gifts. Don’t get me wrong, my kids have done their best to give me birthday and Christmas and Mother’s Day gifts. And I cherish those. But there is no one to round up the kids and supplement their money to take them shopping. There is no one to take the family out for a nice meal or to bring me flowers. And so on.

For a lot of years, this was really, really hard. Those holidays were hard, especially when the kids were young and truly didn’t do anything unless I guided them through it. And even now, it feels terrible to take myself out on those holidays and occasions.

Any other single moms here that can relate?

It’s Different Now

Five years ago, soon after we moved to Georgia, I decided to tip toe back into the dating world. I was lonely. The kids were getting older, more independent. But boy, online dating…terrible. I didn’t last long on any of the apps I tried – Bumble, Tinder and then Plenty of Fish. (I think that’s all of them.)

But I met him, the one. The one who last December asked me to become his wife. We met online 5 years ago this December. Met in person a year and a half after that. And hopefully, this fall, he will move to Georgia and we will set a date. We continue to see each other about once a month. Either he comes here, or I go there. (He’s currently living in Philadelphia.) This summer has been hard because his mom’s health has really gone down hill and he had to skip coming here for a couple of the planned months.

But last week, he surprised me. He called me up and he said he was sending me some money to go do something nice for myself. And I traipsed right out and did that – I got eyelashes and eyebrows. It’s crazy how the little things make such a difference to one’s self confidence.


Now he’s always been good to me. And done lots to show me how much he loves me. But we have kept our money completely separate. (We have a shared credit card that we use for the travel expenses, but he pays it off every other week or as needed.) This was the first time that he just sent me money. And to be honest, I just got off the phone and cried.

It wasn’t a large amount. But it was the thought. That someone did something just for me. No holiday, no occasion, he did it because he thought I needed it. And I did.

I am so blessed to be engaged to a man who wants more than anything to take good care of me, makes good financial decisions (he’s completely debt free), and loves me despite my flaws and failures.