by Ashley
Hi friends!
I’m back for a quick third post today!
I’d like to ask your thoughts about birthday gifts. Since I’ve started this debt reduction journey I really haven’t done anything for friends’ birthdays. Not that I’d go overboard in the past either, but it wouldn’t be uncommon for me to take a friend out for dinner or drinks or to a movie or something. Since starting the debt-reduction mission – I’ve really done nothing. (Note: this has really been limited to friends only, as I still do something small for parents’ and siblings’ birthdays).
At the beginning of the month I was looking at my calendar and trying to budget and figure out all my gift-giving occasions for the month. I noticed that I have 2 friends’ birthdays in my calendar and one friends’ kid’s birthday.
I’m kind of at a loss. I have two other gift-giving obligations this month: a gift for my step-brother’s wedding, plus one of our preschool teachers is leaving and I’d like to give her a small gift. I try to keep gifts in the $15-$20 range as a rule of thumb, but I’d like to give a little more for the wedding gift (maybe $25), and if I add in those birthday gifts, it’s just too much. It simply doesn’t fit in the budget to spend nearly $100 on gift-giving (I’m figuring $15 per birthday x 3; + $15 for teacher + $25 for step-brother).
Soooo, what do you do about friends’ birthdays?
Would it be weird to just send a card by itself (no gift or gift card inside) or would you still consider it to be thoughtful?
I will say that both of these people are very good friends and I received small birthday gifts from each of them this past December (my birthday is December 31st).
And…where do we stand on the gift for the friend’s kid’s birthday?
In the past, I’ve usually bought a small gift for a baby shower (again – in the $15-$20 range) and sometimes another small gift when the baby is born. But do you start then buying gifts for the friends’ kid’s birthday every year?
One more aspect of this is that 2 of the birthday gifts for this month are in the same household. It’s one of my long-time best friend’s (friends from when I was 10 years old through today!) AND her son’s birthday in the same month. So maybe I could send one little gift that has a couple small things for both of them (spending maybe $20ish total between the two)?
Really this is just an opinion-gathering post.
I don’t want to feel like a social loafer if I receive presents from friends and never return the sentiment or birthday well wishes.
But its also so strange as an adult. It doesn’t feel like birthday gift-giving should be a mandatory thing, right? So would a card be enough? Or is that just me being super cheap? (And there’s a difference between frugal and cheap!)
Tell me what you think and tell me what you do! I’d love to hear some different opinions on the matter!
Hi, I’m Ashley! Arizonan on paper, Texan at heart. Lover of running, blogging, and all things cheeeeese. Freshly 40, married mother of two, working in academia. Trying to finally (finally!) pay off that ridiculous 6-digit student loan debt!
I send close friends birthday cards and that is it. They are always surprised and delighted to receive an actual card in the mail. I don’t know about you, but at 30, I don’t need birthday gifts anymore. Cards are always appreciated, calls and texts are also fine, in my opinion.
I definitely agree – I don’t need birthday gifts! I’d also hate for friends to feel like they “owe” me a gift; not true! Sounds like a card is a good alternative.
Friends don’t need gifts. Friends’ kids don’t need expensive gifts.
That isn’t to say that friends shouldn’t be made to feel appreciated!
I think I would be penniless now if I gave gifts for every birthday of my friends and their kids. I give newborn gifts and wedding gifts and that’s all. Given that I have never been married and never had kids, I am at a disadvantage here. Could have probably bought a car if I had saved all that I had spent on wedding and newborn gifts.
Your true friends probably know that you are eliminating debt and they will not mind not receiving a gift. You may give them a call or, instead of inviting them out, you can invite them to your home for a simple dinner or something like that…
Good point!
Honestly, I’m trying to get away from the gift giving – not because I’m cheap but because I know I don’t want anymore “stuff” in my house and I assume other people don’t either.
I think a card for your friend’s is just fine and what about something you & the girls make for your friend’s child since you are so creative?
I always try to make something homemade – I know I LOVE getting something homemade vs. store bought and I think most of my friends do too (at least I hope so)!!!
Yes! No need for more stuff hanging around! I guess my big fear was whether I was being cheap (in a bad way). Sounds like the general consensus is that it’s okay not to give a gift, so that’s good to know! : )
you bake right? can’t you bake something yummy…and get the girls involved
lol….i mean…i limp along : )
Remember the cake from this post? https://www.bloggingawaydebt.com/tag/toddler-birthday-party/
That’s sort of my style. I bake because its cheaper, but an expert baker I am not!
Also…neither of these friends are actually local to where I currently live. One used to be but recently moved away, and the other hasn’t been in the same state as me for several years (although we still see each other semi-regularly – at least once or twice a year – and maintain a strong friendship)
Oh, great idea debtor!!!
Maybe every third or fourth year I’ll give something to a good friend – and that’s generally because I see something that is so “them” I just have to get it. Normally, it’s a card and that’s it. I love getting physical cards with heartfelt notes for my birthday far more than any physical item. Also, if I have a decent picture of the two of us from the previous year, I’ll print out a copy to include with the card. Just like with a handwritten note, in the age of digital photography, a hard copy of a photograph is always a delightful treat.
As for kids of friends, they get a shower gift and that’s it. The only exception is if there is a true bond between you and the kid – godparentship, say, or you truly feel as if they were a niece or nephew. Otherwise, the parent will likely be just as happy that you don’t give them another piece of plastic to contend with.
Very true! I think this is kind of how I would prefer to operate too – only getting something if something happens to jump out at me that reminds me of them. Also, that type of gift-giving wouldn’t be limited to a birthday (could be just any random day/time).
I’m of two minds: Mainly, if you send a card (always a nice surprise), your friends will probably be relieved and happy to realize there will be no need to purchase yet another gift next December. Write a really nice card and tell your friend how much you appreciate her. You will likely be starting a new tradition.
You could also send the child a cute card. Done.
Or… if you feel you must do something, make something. Your friend will appreciate your investment of time and effort. I’m a baker, too, so I often bake something rather than buy. A cake would cover both birthdays. Cupcakes are always a hit and there would be some for you and your kids! Granola is a great gift for those who are concerned about health (if not calories). Cookies, homemade pickled onions or cukes, jam, flavored vinegars, homemade Greek yogurt, hot fudge… there are a lot of great and cheap ideas out there. If you want more… a food gift basket? Yogurt and granola in a re-gifted basket? Pasta sauce is easy and super cheap to make and you could throw in a loaf of home made bread and a box of pasta. Maybe you could throw in a bottle of wine if you want. Dinner done. Of course, whatever you make, be sure you like it too. That way you can make it for your family at the same time.
I love all the homemade food ideas! I actually just gifted an in-town friend with a jar of my homemade yogurt (I’ve made a couple batches since I wrote about it). I know I love receiving homemade goods, I’m sure friends do too!
How about a coupon for a service…like two hours of babysitting, washing a car, a tray of baked pasta (usually inexpensive)…I do believe in recognizing birthdays for friends as they have always been there for me when I needed them most, but it never has to be anything super expensive.
More great ideas! These friends both live out-of-state from me currently, but I could certainly use these ideas for my in-town friends’ birthdays!
I have stopped giving gifts to friends and family. A call, handmade note, ecard, etc. would suffice. It takes such a weight off when you start cutting back on all these “obligations”. My husband and I don’t give many Christmas gifts either. We have decided to give the nieces and nephews on his side $50 when they turn 18, and $200 for wedding present. Besides that, we stopped with the yearly Christmas and birthday gifts.
One cheap gift that is always appreciated is $5 gift card to starbucks and a $1 reusable cup. If you have a Dollar Tree near you, they have $1 balloons and $1 cards.
I used to ONLY shop Dollar Tree for cards since its so cheap! But, honestly, I’ve gone through all their cheap cards (they have 50 cent cards that I used). There aren’t a lot of styles, so after a couple years you’ve used them all. But I just noticed that Walmart has started carrying a value line of cards (I think 95 cents…it was just under a dollar), and voila, now I have a whole new selection of card styles and types available! : )
You should consider the mason jar cookie ideas! I think your friend’s kid would love that since they could have “baking time!” I’ve been giving people mason jar cookies for a while now, and everyone’s always loved it. They’re so cheap, if you already bake at home!
What a fun idea! I love it! : )
OR, depending on the age of the child & how well you know them, get a card & throw some $$ in it – a couple of dollars or a $5 bill. My niece just went shopping with the money that my brother, who lives out of state, sent to her for her birthday. I usually give my brother’s kids money; they’re older & harder to buy for now plus they can always use money to go out with friends or save up for a bigger item.
I really like this idea! I think her kid is a little too young to really understand money (turning 3), but I could see for a little bit older kids (maybe like 4 or 5+) this would be awesome. Cuts my spending from $15 down to $5, but probably more exciting for the kid to get to pick out some stuff from the dollar store than opening a random $15-value gift that I send!
For my out-of-town friends, I use their birthdays as an reminder to call and chat. Now that we all have kids, it gets harder to stay in touch, so I know that at least once a year we will have a nice long chat on the phone. I might meet a local friend for lunch or coffee for to remember their birthday. I prefer spending time together over a gift. Friend’s kids I usually only get a gift if we’re invited to a party, and I always try to bring a ‘use it up’ gift- like sidewalk chalk, a big tub of the good bubbles, crayons & a coloring book, or playdough. Sometime I pick out a book or clothes (if I get a book for an out-of-town kiddo, like my nephew, I just order it from Amazon and have it sent right to them. No pretty wrapping paper, but the book almost always cheaper on amazon than from a store, and I don’t have to deal with waiting in line at the post office and paying for postage).
I agree with many others. Cards to friends and a small gift to kids. I think it is most important to remember the kids – not all kids but the special kids in my life :-).
For friends, what about a card and a homemade batch of cookies? Another thing a friend of mine and I used to do was exchange goodie bags on birthdays. Trial size stuff of things you think they might like, snack size chocolates, etc. Usually under ten dollars and loads of fun to dig through and discover what goodies you’ve received!
And for little kids (kids of friends), I send a card along with the corresponding amount of money. If the kid is turning two, it’s two dollars.