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Posts tagged with: co-parenting

Weekend Money Saving

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Wow!  It is Sunday night and I spent all of $5 from my spending money for the entire weekend.  I bought one cucumber martini while out celebrating a friend’s birthday and otherwise it was a spend free weekend!  Then late tonight I went to the grocery store and bought everything needed for 5 meals and 5 lunches (for 3) for $60.   That is about $2.00 per person, per meal for those of you calculating.  And it is all real food.

My kids are with their dad this coming week.   This will be my first week alone but the kids’ schedules always result in my seeing them each day.  Their dad and I shuttle them from place to place and then on his weeks, they spend the night with him.  This weekend was another reminder of why I am so thankful that I have a great friendship with their dad.  So much tension is gone now and we are able to do what we do so well–parent our kids.  I did not realize how difficult that had become as I was draining myself trying to keep things afloat here.

Although it was his weekend, we enjoyed DD’s volleyball game together and then I took the kids to see the counselor Steve and I had been seeing for quite some time.  She visited with each child about 45 minutes and then went over things with me individually.  The great news is the kids are “stable” in their dad and I.  Even with all of this chaos, their dad and I have been a constant and the counselor really emphasized just how well we are doing at being divorced.  The kids told her separately that they are thankful we are friends and get along.  They have friends that do not have that situation.  I firmly believe we do this as well as we do because we got out of the marriage before any bitterness took root.  I also know that we are better parents because we are divorced.  I do things that I would not have done (good things) had we stayed married and vice versa.  My son often tells stories he hears from friends about fighting married parents and he’s very aware of the unique divorce situation he comes from.  I am a firm believer that you cannot stay together “for the kids” because no matter how well you think you are doing that, the kids know.  Likewise, we all owe it to our kids to be divorced well and while it is never easy (trust me, I am thankful for text messages and emails b/c my ex-husband and I often get many of our issues resolved via those means!) I consider it my duty.  The counselor will work with each kiddo for a few sessions to work on specific issues resulting from my marriage to Steve.  With my son it is about missing his step brother and struggling with guilt about experiencing relief.  There may have been no good way to handle that separation but I”m pretty sure the way it was done was one of the worst options.   For my daughter, she will get help with some expressed conflict over the situation.  She is acutely aware that the situation was not good but still naturally misses her stepdad and stepbrother.  That’s a HUGE life lesson for her and one we could all benefit from.  I am slowly, slowly seeing the silver lining.

My posts will continue to be less than in the past for the foreseeable future.  A big reason for that is much of my life right now is about getting through the logistics of the separation and divorce.  I find myself wanting to share so much about what is going on but I will not.   My reasons for that are twofold:  A) it isn’t a divorce blog and B) I won’t spend another ounce of energy on that situation.

Thank you again for so many great posts.  I do read them all and wish I could respond but I don’t have it in the tank right now.  Just know that many times I am in desperate need of a little push to get me through and your comments come in just when I need them.  For those of you who have expressed concern about the cost of a contentious divorce, rest assured there is nothing to fight over.  The marriage was brief and there was always a measure of holding back that kept our finances pretty distinct and separate.