“Kids & Money” Archive
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The question has come up a few times about staying at home with my son rather than working and paying for daycare. There are books about the true costs of working rather than staying at home and admittedly, they are high. Daycare, work clothes, gasoline, car maintenance – they all add up. So why don’t I stay home?
Our mortgage is more than 50% of our income.
My husband and I make nearly the same salary. The math is pretty easy on that one.
Would I stay home if we lived in an apartment? Unlikely. We wouldn’t have daycare expenses, but we’d have to squeeze out rent and healthcare from our current budget and it’s tight as is.
Once we finish paying off debt, we’re looking at two options: 1 – Hubby finds better employment or 2 – We move out of state.
Being debt free has always been so far in the future, we never had to think too seriously on either front. Now that we’re two months away, we are starting to consider both options. Once we save up our 3 – 6 months of expenses, we’ll make the leap.
My sister and sister-in-law have been AWESOME at supplying clothing for baby Cash. My sister shopped garage sales in Kansas and brought two suitcases full of clothing. My sister-in-law has been passing over the clothing from her little boy as he outgrows it. I have purchased precisely ONE top since his birth and it wasn’t out of necessity, it was simply a cute top that said ‘Take Me To My Mummy’ for Halloween.
The recent cold spell illuminated the holes on our kidlet’s wardrobe. The poor little dude, while loaded with adorable t-shirts, pants, and jackets, has no long sleeved shirts. We were ill prepared for our weekend at the coast and needed to grab some long sleeve onesies for the trip. I asked hubby to ‘run by Target for some cheap clothes’ thinking surely, it wouldn’t cost more than $20 for a dozen or so warm tops.
Clearly, I have never purchased kids clothing before. Eek.
$60 later, he had the long sleeved tops he needed, and our clothing budget was robbed for the year.
Needless to say, I plan on hitting up some garage sales in the future and being very, VERY nice to my sister and sister-in-law while begging for hand-me-downs.
When my sister told me that there is no way to express the exhaustion you feel as a new parent, I laughed at her. When she said, ‘Learn to sleep when the baby sleeps’, I felt like saying, ‘If I do that, when will I get back to running?’
Yup. Totally planned to start jogging on my treadmill while the baby slept.
I was hilariously ignorant.
It’s true. I can’t begin to express how tired I am. People visit. I stare. I smile. But I’m not here.
Fortunately, the kiddo keeps me home bound but even then, my finances take a hit. It’s amazing how much damage you can do to your checkbook from your sofa. Suddenly, I don’t care how much 20 more channels are on cable tv. I don’t care how much it costs for drive through dinners. I don’t care how much that nursing item is on Amazon. As long as it makes my life easier. I just don’t care.
I’m hoping this level of fatigue only lasts a few more weeks (ha ha right?), because my finances aren’t ready for the war I’m in.
I’m not very good at accepting gifts (or help for that matter) from others. It’s a horrible pride thing and a genetic trait according to my father. When my husband and I got married, I HATED putting together a gift registry. It seemed presumptuous to assume folks were buying gifts and something else altogether to tell them what to purchase. But I listened to my sweet mother who said, ‘Well how else will they know what you need?!?’
Registering was no romantic or joyful occasion. We didn’t dance around the store choosing dishware. It was more of a, ‘No honey, you can’t put a lava lamp or camping gear on the list. Necessities ONLY’ shouted to my poor husband to be.
My sister-in-laws are throwing me a baby shower and asked if I had created a registry yet. A feeling of dread filled my brain. Fortunately, I’m trying to get better at the whole, ‘my friends are the sweetest people, would like to buy gifts, and I better keep my self-righteous mouth shut… plus… I REALLY need help’, so I smiled and said I’d get to it.
My husband, remembering the last registry experience, wasn’t too excited to wander Babies R Us wielding a scanner with me. But, as with most registries, the store is willing to give us 10% off anything we don’t receive as a gift so at the thought of saving money on the horizon, I promised to behave.
We arrived at the store, registered our information, and started the trek. We hardly made it into the bottle section before realizing we had made a HUGE newbie mistake…
Neither one of us have any idea what a baby needs.
Sure, Babies R Us provides a list of a million items ‘babies can’t live without’, but common sense tells me the list is slightly exaggerated. Problem? I don’t know which items I don’t need and I’m not about to waste money – mine or someone else’s – on junk.
Two hours and 5 phone calls to my mother, my sister, and my sister-in-law later, we emerged with a concise list of necessary items. Sure there were a few statements I made a bit too loudly like, ‘No honey. I’m NOT putting a teething ring on there. The kid won’t get teeth for like 18 months. Oh. Um. 12? Wait. When do kids get teeth?!?’ To which my husband responded with a firm grip to my hand dragging me to another section while laughing loudly as if I had made a joke, then he’d say through gritted teeth, ‘Don’t EMBARRASS me!’ By the end, I think he was truly terrified Child Protective Services was going to jump out from behind the crib section like undercover CIA agents ready to arrest us for parental stupidity before our child is even born.
Thankfully, CPS didn’t arrest us, the list is done, and no… there isn’t a lava lamp on there. Though, my husband did manage to sneak a Dr. Seuss book on when I wasn’t looking.
Whew!
My sister had to take my mom to Urgent Care yesterday (lest dad be ever so lonely in having health concerns). I called to ask if they needed company while they waited for test results and they declined but asked if I wouldn’t mind stopping to pick up my six year old nephew who was sitting with them at the hospital.
I loaded my nephew into the back of my car and about 15 minutes into our traffic jammed commute, he started crying. 15 minutes after that, he was sobbing. Sure I understand. Grandma is in the hospital, mom is busy, it’s scary, and he’s tired but…
I have absolutely no idea what to do with a crying kid.
You’d think I’d be experienced at this since I’ve got 11 nieces and nephews, but crying in traffic? No clue.
I gave him my iPod which kept him entertained for 10 minutes, until the battery died. After that, more crying.
We sat in traffic for another 40 minutes until my gas light blinked on. “I’m sorry buddy. I’ve got to stop for gas. We’ll be home soon OK?”
Silence.
Long drawn out sniffle.
“Can I get candy in the gas store?” he whispered.
“Sure buddy. Anything you want.”
“Can I get TWO candies?” he asked, the tears drying in his excitement.
“Possibly cause diabetes? Contribute to childhood obesity? Sure. Why not?” I replied.
“How about a large soda too?” he asked.
I was willing to buy part ownership in Shell gas station if that’s what it took to make him stop crying.
He picked out the two largest bags of candy, filled up a soda cup the size of his head, and off we went to sit in traffic again. There wasn’t a single tear the rest of the way home and I got a huge ‘Thanks Auntie Beks!!’ with a hug before he left (I didn’t mention the sugar overload to my sister – I value my life far too much).
I can say no to myself all day long but to kids? I’m putty. If this experience is any indication of my future financial and health dealings with my own children… I’m dead.
I was listening to Dave Ramsey’s show while he interviewed Zac Bissonnette, author of Debt Free U. To be fair, I haven’t read Zac’s book (I’ve been short on time), but based on the amazing amount of information he shared in a short interview with Dave, I am IMPRESSED.
Zac stands by state colleges instead of private colleges and supports the financial decisions of students who attend community college for their freshman and sophomore years as a way to save loads of cash.
I graduated from a private college and I loved it… but sometimes I wonder what life would be like if I hadn’t paid $26K a year. My degree would be the same… but I wouldn’t be carrying student loans.
Thanks to some awesome scholarship opportunities and grants, I graduated with ‘only’ $15K in debt. My friends did not fair nearly as well. Most have more than $100K in student loans.
If you have a child in high school, buy his book and read his articles at: http://www.dailyfinance.com/writers/zac-bissonnette/
You’ll need the help.
You can thank me later.
My sister is visiting from Kansas City with her husband and four kids for the next two weeks. I’d love the fact that she visits more if she wasn’t… so… well…
Perfect.
She’s debt free other than her mortgage – and even then, she’s paying it aggressively. I’d love to tell you that her husband makes loads of money and that’s how she’s able to be a stay at home mom to four kids and remain debt free but…
He doesn’t.
My sister has found ways to live below her means and actively seeks new methods to spend less. She purchases clothing and toys for the kids at garage sales in nice neighborhoods then resells them when the kids outgrow them (sometimes, she actually MAKES money on this!), doesn’t waste money on cable TV or other ‘necessities’, drives an older yet reliable car, and she cooks fabulous inexpensive meals at home (my home cooked meals are inexpensive but they are far from fabulous).
She’s the annoyingly good at being frugal but not cheap.
Naturally, I spend this time around her basking in her infinite financial wisdom, asking questions, and learning from her example…
…and I am also the queen of England.
Sorry folks, sibling rivalry is alive and well.
So, I do the second best thing, I make my mom ask the questions and I pretend not to listen.
My advice, befriend someone frugal – even if it is your sister. I find that I don’t learn as much from the books or the internet as I do from those who may not have it all figured out, but they do a pretty darn good job.
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My Debt
- Original Debt: $97,293.06
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