by Ashley
Remember that I had planned a little “going away lunch” yesterday for my good friend who is moving cross-country?
Well we went and had the lunch as planned and I treated, also as planned. I thought this was going to be my last time to see my friend for a long, long time.
Surprise!
While at lunch I was informed of a little surprise. One of our old grad school buddies apparently booked a last minute plane ticket to Tucson. He arrives on Friday afternoon (the same day my good friend will be finishing packing up her house).
So I’ll now be going out on Friday night as well.
To be clear – I love, love, love my good friend. She has been there for me through the rough grad school years and I’m thrilled to celebrate with her one more time before she leaves (and its just an added bonus that one of our mutual friends will be in town, too).
That whole issue aside….I’d be lying if I didn’t say I was just a little bit bummed over the financial aspects of this. I’ve financially limped by to the end of April and now I’ll be starting out May a little behind, too. That said, I rarely go out so its unlikely I’ll have any other big spending that occurs during the month of May. But still…I’ve got goals in mind and am trying to watch my spending more now than ever.
So there’s a little bit of pain associated with this. I’m a little torn, too, over the more personal/relational aspects of this. I would have liked hubs to come out with us (seriously – we never go out like this, so if I’m going to go I’d love for hubs to get to come with us!) But the cost of babysitters is really high and, ultimately, hubs opted to stay home and watch the girls so I could go “live it up” with the grad school buds one last time. Sounds like a re-living of our glory days or something, but I promise it won’t be nearly that exciting. ; )
Since I treated at lunch I think I’m off the hook for drinks at the bar, right? Maybe a single round or something but I don’t think there will be any expectation for me to pick up the whole tab. Hopefully I can get away with nursing a single drink all night long without drawing too much attention to myself. I want to have fun, but I’m not a drinker anyway, so it doesn’t sound fun to me to go out to a bar, spend a ton of money on drinks, and then have to figure out a way to get home. So we’ll see how it all goes and I’ll keep you posted.
What do you think? Am I being overly cheap? What do you think the social expectations are here regarding buying drinks…is going Dutch okay???
Hi, I’m Ashley! Arizonan on paper, Texan at heart. Lover of running, blogging, and all things cheeeeese. Freshly 40, married mother of two, working in academia. Trying to finally (finally!) pay off that ridiculous 6-digit student loan debt!
1) If you are not a drinker, why not offer to be designated driver. That way you can stick to water or club soda without seeming cheap.
2) If you cannot afford babysitters, why not do as others have done — start a babysitting co-op where you trade off with other (trusted) mothers. It’s obviously too late for you to set one up for this particular event, but you could at least be prepared for future needs.
There’s always a way to have an enjoyable night out, you just need to be creative.
In regard to #1, I live out in the suburbs. My moving-away friend lives within walking distance of the bar district (4th Ave in Tucson).
In regard to #2, I’ve tried. I don’t have a lot of good friends in Tucson – only one other Mommy friend. I’ve mentioned it a handful of times to her, but it’s never worked out. Her parents live in Phoenix (about 2 hours away), so they tend to go back there a lot and leave their kid with the grandparents when they want to go out. I know she’d watch my kids in a pinch, but I can’t count on it like a tit-for-tat where we get to go out every other month and trade off babysitting duties.
Or course, there could be other options as well (I don’t want to be all debby-downer or anything). But I just haven’t thought of any good ones yet.
Does your daycare have any babysitting coops or mother’s group? If not, start one and make some more friends with children.
There’s not at our current daycare, but we’re looking at switching places for the Fall so maybe at our new one something will already be in place.
RE #2 — check out www.meetup.com
Most cities have at least one “mommy” group on meetup that you can join (usually for free or low-cost) and make new friends. This could help enlarge your circle of potential babysitters.
You should try this new website: www.raisedintheneighborhood.com. It’s a network of parents. Through the website, you connect with parents in your neighborhood and create your own group of trusted friends (exactly like Facebook) to exchanging babysittings. Then you basically send requests and post availability (1point= 1hour). Everything is automated, it’s easy and free, you just need a referral address to register. You can use mine if you want.
Hope this will help you enjoy more adult time!
Cheers
Ashley, this might be a good month to maximize your coupon usage, at least enough to pay for your night out with a good friend you won’t see again soon. Clip more and organize the coupons you have on hand, check sites like Southern Savers.com. There are several other good sites. And, doesn’t Jefferey have a coupon database? I’m sure you could come up with enough coupon savings this month to cover the cost of your night out and maybe a little more to reduce your May food bill.
This is actually a really good idea. I’ve never been a big couponer, but May would be a great month for me to try to implement some simple beginner couponing. It can’t hurt!
Can’t you just ask the server right away for a separate check? You can say that it will make it easier later to reconcile your budget. Say it breezy and off-handed and then move on with the conversation. Then you are only paying for what you eat. Don’t go super hungry so that you don’t need to share an appetizer. I definitely do that when I’m not sure. I hate hate hate getting stuck “sharing” a large bill because someone else ordered the lobster themidore and I had roast chicken.
And you know what, sometimes I’m the one ordering lobster themidore and 4 ketel one martinis. And this way I don’t have to worry that I’m putting anyone else out.
In my opinion, since you treated her for lunch and thought it would be your last time seeing each other, there’s probably not a lot of expectations for going out with your other grad school buddy. Personally, I’d just be thrilled to have my friends all together! If you have it in your budget, maybe offer to buy 1 drink or a snack/app to share. No need to go over board and finance the entire night.
Plus, you mention it’d a bit of a drive for you as compared to your friends, so you’ll be spending more for gas and parking. When I go out with friends that’s something i consider. You drove all the way down here and paid for parking, but I just walked? Let me get you a beer.
I just say as well, I’m always one to reciprocate a drink or app if a friend pays. If they buy one for me, I’ll buy one for them. If they get an app, I’ll get dessert, or maybe another app 😉
Stick to your predetermined budget for the night! Don’t let someone else’s spending habits influence yours. If you only have the money for, and only want, 1 drink, just have the one and then switch to water or soda.
Hope’s post on bartering got me thinking-it is possible for you to barter tutoring services in exchange for babysitting?
This is a really great idea – something I should look into further! I will say that in the past whenever I’ve tutored I’ve been paid by the kids’ parents so the college kid, him/herself probably wouldn’t be into this kind of trade (they’re stuck babysitting when otherwise they’d simply be getting free-to-them tutoring since parent is paying the bill). But there are also plenty of college kids who may like tutoring but can’t currently afford it on their own. I should put out some feelers with my network and see what comes up. Thanks for the idea!
I say just go and have fun – good friends are really important!! You don’t have to treat her this time, since you already did lunch, but definitely go, enjoy, toast her future success and don’t let a few dollars ruin the evening.
I agree with all of this! I don’t think there are (or should be) any expectation of you buying drinks besides your own, so I wouldn’t worry about asking for separate checks.
Ashley-
I definitely don’t think that you should be expected to pick up the tab for this night out at all! If you are okay with buying a round, especially if it just you and the couple of friends, then I say do it. Here is what I would do: when you arrive at the location and the server comes up (or your grab a table and one person is going to the bar to get the drinks) say to your friends that the first round is on you, then when the drinks arrive close out your tab. That way, if someone asks you if you will have another mention that you have closed out your tab, this gives them an option to offer to buy one for you or to see that you are done paying for the night. Just make sure that when you do close the tab you leave a decent tip, this will set the precedent for how the server or bartender prioritizes serving you and your friends for the rest of the evening.
Cheers,
Meghan
I know it’s tough sometimes, but this is a situation where I think you just have to not sweat the small stuff and go enjoy yourself. Good friends coming into town unexpectedly, these are the things we live for, right?
Trust your discipline to hold the line on the slippery slope for budget busters that don’t fall into the “things we live for” category.
Absolutely! You’ve made a great point! Thanks for putting things into perspective for me!
I think you can reference Matt’s posts about his struggle with “socializing vs saving” (my words) and see that there was a lot of encouragement for more of a balance – so that’s what I’m going to say to you here. I know you just went out with this friend, but she’s leaving the state. And you’ve said that you don’t have many close friends in Tucson or even go out with your hubby much b/c of the cost of babysitters. Like Joe said ‘don’t sweat the small stuff’ – go out and have a good time – within reason, of course. I echo the comments that it’s not necessary for you to pick up the tab again and going dutch would be fine. And I am a cheap date – I can nurse a drink for hours! 🙂 Easy to do when you’re doing a lot of talking.