by Beks
Last month, my husband had a serious talk with me about my public transit use. As a frequent user of public transit, I follow a very strict set of rules when travelling. I don’t talk to others, I don’t carry or wear anything expensive, and I avoid eye contact with everyone except the driver. This system has worked well for me for years and I can honestly say I have enjoyed zoning out for two hours each day. Unfortunately, things have changed. A new, unwelcome group of riders have started travelling my route. I wrote about a problem a few months ago where I had to call transit security but… there have been more problems since. Some not as bad – some worse.
I like to think that, for the most part, I can take care of myself. I’m acutely aware of my surroundings. I carry a cell phone and a can of mace. And I’m a pretty mean fighter thanks to the several years I spent in training after college as a self-confidence booster.
But each passing week, I feel less strong and more vulnerable with the changing crowd.
I thought it was just me but each time I’d share an incident with my husband, I could see he was uncomfortable. One night, he came home from school and said, “You aren’t taking public transit anymore.” On his ride home, a man had pulled down his pants and started urinating everywhere.
Really? That’s what set him over the edge? I didn’t have the heart to tell him I’ve seen men do the same thing multiple times before and… I’m kinda used to it.
I put up a half hearted fight about how driving was expensive and how driving a vehicle on a Southern California freeway was just as dangerous as riding public transit but he said, “I’d rather have you die in a fiery car wreck than from a stab wound!”
How romantic?
So, I drive to work now. My husband may be breathing easier but thanks to my car emissions – the environment, my wallet, and future generations won’t be. Forgive me.
I’d like to think I’ll go back to my love affair with public transit…
But I guess we’ll have to see.
Beks is a full-time government employee who enjoys blogging late into the night after her four kids have gone to sleep. She’s been married to Chris, her college sweetheart, for 15 years. In 2017, after 3 long years working the Dave Ramsey Baby Steps, they paid off more than $70K and became debt free. When she’s not working or blogging, she’s exploring the great outdoors.
Beks – My husband feels the same way yours does. After several “incidents” he drew the line and said “NO MORE!” I was relieved to hear him say that because I was always wondering if I was over reacting.
Nothing is worse than aboslutely dreading getting on the bus in the morning and then thinking about what your ride home might be like all day. And as much as I hate the effects it’s having on my carbon footprint, I spend 4-4.5 hours a day commuting and I am feeling much more relaxed in my day to day work life.
Wow! I can’t believe you were used to public urination! I agree with your husband. It’s too bad that public transit is getting taken over by nasty people. It seems like such a good solution.
I’m ending my love affair with public transportation as well. While I’m not a fan of the crowds and the angry people, I can deal with them. I don’t like the people intentionally rubbing against me or exposing themselves. And I don’t like that I never know when I’ll get to my destination and how ridiculous the motion sickness has gotten from the start/stop of the train.
Wow, I had no idea public transportation would be that bad! Good for you for sticking with it that long; I don’t think I could have.
Sorry you’ve had to end your affair! I hate that public transportation isn’t safe anymore.
There is basically no public transportation where I live and work. There is 1 bus, which would take me 2 hours to go a 25 minute drive, and I’d only get to spend 5 hours at work, since the bus stops running at 6 p.m.
However, when I go to visit my sister in Chicago, I “love” the el. Mostly because I end up with the best stories to tell.
My sister has lived in Chicago for 10 years, and hasn’t had the experiences that I have had. Or maybe I just notice things that she doesn’t. At least once a trip someone falls onto my lap (she’s never had that happen). Another time a man went into cardiac arrest and his companion didn’t want to call 911 (No idea on that one). I’ve watched transit cops chase people, and fled cars with other passengers because the smell was so bad.
While I like the idea of public transit, and wish I had it when the weather was bad, I don’t really like the reality of it. Which is probably sad.
My bus ride was super chill. Unfortunately, if I didn’t catch the bus by 5:25 I was stuck, and as my job grew it was harder for me to leave at that time. Also, with two kids to drop off at daycare, public transit is not feasible at all.
I think if it were just you it would be one thing, but while you are pregnant you don’t want to put yourself into a dangerous position.
I wondered how you were going to handle this after the baby is born and you would be taking him/her to daycare. Between what you carry now, the diaper bag, and the little one him/herself, public transportation could become a really, really big hassle. I live just outside a big city on the East Coast and there have been several incidents where people riding the bus have been physically assaulted by gangs of middle and high school students. The kids at the bus stop a half block from our half are really rowdy adn rude when they wait there after school, running into the road, shouting obscenities at the drivers who have to swerve to avoid them and beep their horns, etc. One young woman was abducted from the light rail train and raped. I would never take it and I’m fortunate that my daily commute is less than 10 miles round trip and I don’t need to take a highway, although I can.
This post blows me away. People are really that horribly behaved on public transit? When I rode the bus regularly, my routes went through some unsavory parts of the city, and in a year I only had one odd non-violent incident. I was a 18 year old white female going through minority neighborhoods with a reputation for hostility and still I never once felt unsafe.
It’s too bad that gas is starting to creep up when you taking a break from public transit. Well, maybe more people will take it and they will be forced to be more vigilant about keeping the crazies in check.
I just started taking the Coaster last week because of gas prices. It costs almost as much to drive and it’s less stressful to just ride the train and not have to worry about sigalerts, traffic, and idiot drivers.
Before we moved, my husband used to take the non-stop commuter bus from a park-and-ride in the ‘burbs to his job in town each day and it was largely uneventful.
Then we moved further out in the ‘burbs and his job location moved to a business park, which is surrounded by a very scary neighborhood, on the outskirts of the main city. It was now a very different bus ride with a very different crowd! But my husband tends to see the best in people and wasn’t bothered by it.
Except that after two straight days of other riders telling him that he stuck out like a sore thumb with his business attire and laptop case and was going to wind up getting mugged, he started to wonder. I went nuts on him…there was no wondering to be done! These people were being straight up with him about him being a target and he seriously needed to listen. He has never taken the bus after that.
What’s maddening is that just before these moves occurred, our transit agency had forced us to consolidate all of our passes onto electronic cards. We have almost $1000 in non-refundable fare credits on the cards and no way to use them.
I am so thankful and relieved that it was not just me having terrible (and sometimes scary) experiences with public transportation. Thank you all for sharing 🙂
I use Metro all the time in Houston, the buses are really nice and I’ve never seen anyone pee in the bus, if they did they would go to jail..
HS
Good thing he’d prefer you die on a car crash since riding in a private vehicle has a 9 times higher fatality rate than riding in a bus from FHWA stats. And most of those are from accidents–not stabbings.
Personally, I think getting peed on is a much better reason to stop riding! Makes me glad I can take the train–at least where I live, the people on the train have always seemed less sketchy than the people on the bus routes.
I gave up my car years ago and have never regretted it. Sure there are pervs on the subway – but I’ll be dam#ed if I’m gonna let some creep take away my right to use public spaces.
My all time favorite technique was taught to me my Mother when I was a little girl and had to ride the subway alone. I’ve had to use it several times and it works like a charm. Simply point, laugh loudly, and scream “Oh my God! It’s so small!” When he covers up (and I promise he will) turn to the passengers around you and say laughing “He just showed me the smallest penis I’ve ever seen!” Turn the pervert and say loudly “Oh, show us again! I’ve haven’t laughed like that in ages!”
You don’t even have to call the cops. The next stop he will get off. You will never see him again.
Amazing how your perspective changes, too, when offspring are involved.
Many Bostonians complain and complain and complain about the MBTA, our public transit system here. And, well, they have good reason to – the equipment is old and keeps breaking down, which was NOT fun this past winter. Plus, the system is deeply in debt so they can’t replace the equipment without jacking up fares, which would of course cause a massive public outcry.
But, regular urination on the subway?!?!?!?!? Yikes!!!!! I don’t think I’ll complain much about my ride to work. The worst I’ve seen during a workday commute was a young man playing pocket pool, and another obsessively compulsively downloading porn onto his phone. Unpleasant, yes, but not a health hazard.
I wonder if San Diego increased ridership these sorts of incidents would decrease – a safety in numbers type of thing.
(But there are certain routes/stops that are more prone to violence, but I suppose that’d be the case in just about any city.)
I am totally shocked at these stories – what ghetto cities are running these awful type of public transit systems? Ive used both the TTC (Toronto) and ETS (Edmonton) for many years, and have never even had to consider avoiding eye contact, not carrying my regular purse or jewelery etc., if another passenger will put me at risk etc… I have never seen anyone urinate on a bus or train ever (though have caught it in subway stations to be honest). Safety is a #1 priority for public transportation in my Canadian experience, and there is significsnt monitoring and enforcement of B.O.B. (behavior on the bus). The problems I have heard and experienced are mostly discriminatory (again I am being honest here) – people dont want to sit next to “poor people” who “smell” or “might try to talk to them”. For me the only major hassle is timetabling and service outages….its really sad to hear public transit is so bad everywhere else.