Second, why be so open with your finances? Often, if people find out you’re out of debt, they will associate this with being “rich” and will ask you for money and won’t accept “no” for an answer when they ask you to go out to dinner, host something for them, take a trip, etc. If you can’t be honest with friends and maintain boundaries that are comfortable for both of you, then tell small lies. Tell your friends that you canceled the credit card and one of them will have to reserve the room. Or whatever.

Finally, it’s unclear to me why hubby is going to bachelor parties when you’re on a get-out-of-debt mission. Just a couple of decades ago, weddings were generally modest, there weren’t a dozen related events, and bachelor parties involved a modest night out. Now people act like it’s mandatory to attend every wedding invite and all of the related events. I regularly turn down weddings and related parties if I cannot afford to attend. Or I budget to only attend the wedding and to skip the endless parties and showers.

@PonyRyd That just seems odd to me. My husband has never been caught between his friends and his wife. Maybe it’s mutual respect and maybe it’s priorities, but he has no problem telling his friends know when they’re out of line, and I trust him to know when they are.

Also, since it has not been mentioned by others: ASK for a room with NO MINIBAR. You can do that. In fact, he can be sneaky and call ahead and have the reservation adjusted. He might be able to have the pay per view locked out ahead of time too. If anyone complains about these things, he can just suggest that the room reservation be put on someone else’s card. That he and the wife agreed on that as part of the card being used for the room.

Ongoing, if keeping these potentially deadbeat friends is important (and it may be, they may always be there to carry boxes when you move, or something…) I’d suggest lying. Tell your friends that you cancelled the card and don’t have one. OR that your card has a low limit ($500? $200?), even though it is paid off. Or something. Whatever the lie is, you and hubby need to have it straight and stick to it.

And if someone is paying with cash, they won’t have a chance to spend the room money on stripper tips or poker during the weekend and then be ’short’ at the end.

Sure, you dh will know all weekend who planned to stiff him from the start (obviously if they don’t have the cash or room on the credit card on Friday night, they won’t on Sunday morning) and that might put a damper on his weekend but at least he’ll know he’ll have to rein in spending in order to cover the shortfall of the others.

Its only a problem if your husband agreed to it without your knowledge, and then its only a problem if his friends dont pay him. Basically, its nobody’s problem until its a problem, so dont make it one until it has to be. Just come up with a plan and lots of good options have already been presented. If it still backfires chalk it up to a learning experience, write off your deadbeat friends and move on. But for god’s sake dont jump to conclusions and beat up your poor husband for it.

BTW, blogs are better when the blogger actually responds to the comments and my perspective (purely anecdotal, since my RSS reader doesnt show comments and I dont look unless its intersting) is that you dont do that consistently.

Yes, he booked the room on a credit card. Lots of people do. But that’s not what’s really bugging you. What I read is that you have friends who renege on paying their fair share. Exactly why are these people friends you want to have? They’re his friends? Your friends? A combination thereof? How bad have you been burned before? It sounds like possibly hundreds of dollars.

I would say:

1. You need to let your husband handle the debt collection.

2. You need to not worry about this till after he gets charged the full amount.

3. You need to let go of this because your husband has to deal with who left him holding the bag with his own friends.

Your husband is a big boy here. If he’s understanding of his friends’ financial shortcomings, it’s really not for you to yell at him about it. He’s probably aware of it already without you being upset. So clam up till everyone’s ponied up and he knows who he will talk to again or not.

Did you overreact? Possibly. Is it justified in some way, again possibly.

Good luck. I hope his friends have the stones to do the right thing. Otherwise I’d stop talking to them.

I totally understand how you feel about this situation. I would be like if you lost sixty pounds and suddenly all your friends wanted you to finish their plate. Just because they may not have won the same battle you have doesn’t mean they can sabbotage your success.

I can’t wait to read more of your blog. I’ve got to go pay attention to my kids now though.

John DeFlumeri Jr, Clearwater, Fla

In the case of your husband, I wouldn’t mind ponying up the credit card. But I would refuse to use my card until everyone paid me. In other words – sure I’ll put up my credit card, but you better all give me your share of the payment BEFORE I “file” my credit card!

You are upset because you KNOW what will happen. You KNOW some of the people won’t pay. You can’t escape reality, and I would be upset if I were you too!

And particularly since this has happened (or something like it) in the past, that is more reason for this situation to be handled differently.

And as far as telling your friends that you are now debt free, if these so called friends can’t be happy for you and not burden you with taking on new debt then maybe those relationships should be re-evaulated.

Find out with the hotel what the allowed time is for cancellation of the room. I’m guessing it’s a cheaper (group rate) rate at 5 and that’s why it’s booked that way. I don’t however know any hotel that won’t put the fees seperate on each member’s card or take cash unless it’s one room only that they’re staying in. If that’s the case, make sure they fork up the cash before he books that room.

If they can’t afford to give him cash at the very least, then obviously they can’t afford the weekend. Hubby needs to put his foot down and say NO if his buddies think that he’s paying the bill. And to be honest, you have every right to be a part of the NO saying process since you are his spouse.

When DH goes on trips to MTG events, he and some of his friends alternate who puts the room on the card. It’s less likely that someone will “forget” to pay when they know their turn to pay is coming.

Friends are not friends, they are moochers at least, if they seek to exploit the fruits of the hard work of others.

Beks and her husband did not come into a major inheritance or win the lottery and become flush with cash. There is a difference.

The friends should not go if they cannot afford it. Also, Beks said that her friends want her husband to pay for the trip and be reimbursed later. He better communicate to his friends a possible change in the repayment schedule before departing.

Money is the great polarizer in family and friendships. If I did not have the money, I simply would not go, or I might speak privately to my friend about payment arrangements.

I certainly would not band together in a classless peer pressure stunt to have my friend fund a trip for 4 others.

But from a male point of view, I just wanted to sympathize with your husband for a moment. Many a times I have been caught between my wife and “friends” on financial matters. I am certain that he feels bad about the whole deal, but instead of lecturing him with all of the above information please make sure he knows you are both on the same team and you want to make sure you don’t get stuck on this deal.

Give him a break and love him through this! Where else are you going to find a quality construction guy that works for room and board?

And just a knee jerk reaction to Maria’s comment – she writes a personal financial blog. What’s the point of writing a blog about REDUCING DEBT if you don’t tell people about your milestones? Just because Beks is putting herself out there doesn’t give her friends an excuse to mooch off her success.

If this is the same group of friends that hosed you before with the concert tickets, then your husband can make the point that you’ve been stiffed before and he doesn’t want to be in the situation again. Ever.

Perhaps you could talk some sense into your husband. He will understand. And you’re right, them being maxed out is a good enough reason why you shouldn’t loan them your card. My Well Of wealth

Booking a room is different from paying for a room. If you book a room, they check your credit card to make sure you can afford it, but your card isn’t actually charged until you check out.
Most hotels won’t allow you to split between multiple cards when booking, but they certainly allow you to split between multiple cards when paying and checking out.

When the hotel slides the bill under their door on the last morning of their stay, have your husband take all his friends down to the front desk and have each pay their share.
Make sure he tells his friends that’s how it’s going to work, on the off chance that someone may “forget” to bring their card for the party.

As an added bit of security, try this: Usually when you check into a hotel, you have to present your credit card at that time to confirm it’s you. Have your husband present his card on check-in, and state “This card is for 1/5 of the bill” (or whatever share is his). His friends will be right there and will have to produce their own cards in order for them to check in as well and be given keys.

I just shared a hotel room with a friend last weekend. We arrived at different times, and so we had to check in separately (to get keys). I arrived first and told them my card was for 1/2 the bill. When she arrived later, she gave them her card and told them it was for the other half of the bill. There were zero problems with this set up.

I recall an instance when I was running a student conference, and one of the four guys used his credit card to book the deposit for the hotel room (even though the conference paid for the rooms). Long story short, there was damage to the room, and the guy who used his card to book the room was stuck with the repair bill. I don’t think he had much luck with recouping the money from the broke student(s) who had actually done the damage.

Most hotels will accept a cash deposit for the room(s) – if a guys’ weekend is coming up, collect cash (or equivalent) from the guys to book the room. Then as QCash noted, tell the hotel that the room will be split equally on departure.

My friend recently booked a themed evening at a local farm for an ad-hoc class reunion. Well, most people who said “yeah sure we’ll come” didn’t come, and she was stuck with the $800 deposit.

I would *never* book things for a group of friends on my card. Nothing ruins a friendship faster than owing someone money (and bugging them to collect).

Look, point blank, my family “economy” is just as rocky as the nation’s, and I’ve trained myself to be hard, firm and sometimes adamant on using our cards. If he reeeeealy wants to go, in this case, he can figure out the split-cost the day of arrival, and GET THE ROOM MONEY UPFRONT from everyone when he checks in. If “the buds” cant handle giving him a hundred or so there and then, they ain’t gonna’ pony up later WITHOUT making him work for it, vis a vis guilt, phone-calls, trade-offs whatever.

I’m just sayin’…..

Good luck – this is a tough one.

Lis

I have often booked rooms on my credit card for groups and boys weekend. When we check in, we talk to the front desk and let them know we will be paying the bill by multiple cards on the way out.

Often, the hotel company will put a “hold” on the credit card which uses up the available credit room but doesn’t actually charge anything until the bill is paid (pre-authorizes).

I think if your husband is smart, when it is time to check out, he drags all of his friends down to the front desk (hangovers and all) and make sure the bill is split equally.

So I fall into the “yes you might be overreacting” category But not by much.

QCash

I would be pissed too. It’s not your problem other people are maxed out on their credit cards and you shouldn’t be responsible for any issues that come up with the room because of it. I’d seriously consider canceling the reservations.

Once you open that “golden seal” aka, using your card again, even if it is something little…..it is much easier to keep going and end up back where you were. It happened to us.

I agree with collecting money upfront, and heck, I would even collect a little extra just in case there are damages. You can always give it back if it isn’t needed.

Parties are a “want” not a “need.” If friends can’t afford it, then they shouldn’t go. I know that stinks because we all want to have a good time, but why should you pay for their irresponsibility?