Spilling The Financial Beans

I know this sounds funny but…

I’m a very private person. Stop laughing. I’m serious.

I don’t mind sharing things with all of you but when it comes to sharing things with family… my lips are sealed.

I haven’t exactly shared our financial situation with Chris’ grandparents. You know, the ones who told us not to get in debt?

They are lovely people but… I didn’t want them to look at me and nod their heads in shame – that or wish their beloved grandson hadn’t married this credit card addicted hoodlum.

I was lucky enough to dine with them recently and I talked about everything… except money of course.

‘Lovely weather lately huh?’

‘How are you feeling these days?’

I breathed a sigh of relief as we dropped them off at their home and started to say goodbye…

Until my husband sat down and started talking about…

M-O-N-E-Y.

I wanted to strangle him. It was as if he were telling my dog loving mother that we had a history of puppy killing.

I can’t necessarily blame him. He’s excited about our financial plan and he’s proud of our progress but…

I’m not going to lie, I considered jumping across the table to tackle him to silence.

I wanted to scream out and defend myself. I wanted to say, ‘I’m not a shoe or purse gal… I just like vacationing… and remodeled bathrooms… and buying your grandson TV’s… and the smell of new cars!’ But I realized…

It didn’t matter. I had still done exactly what they had told us not to do. It didn’t matter why.

There was a long uncomfortable silence before his grandpa asked about our plans and offered suggestions on how to pay things off faster.

I could feel his disappointment.

If nothing else, it reminded me of the importance of what we’re doing and ignited yet another fire under my butt to stretch myself more.

Tell someone about your financial situation. Tell someone you know will ask you about it. Tell someone… knowing full well it will annoy you. That annoyance may be the motivation you need.

Posted by Beks on April 29, 2009 at 4:04 AM in Money & Relationships | 6 Comments »
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FrugalMe responded:
Posted: April 29th, 2009 at 5:14 am
Hey Tricia, Sounds a bit like I was. It seems that everyone has that bit that is held back from family and friends because we feel that the way we will be perceived. Or that we may hear the “I told you” discussion. I realized that nothing outside me could cause to me change the way I feel about me. My family knows about my financial situation – no big deal. If they can help, absolutely fantastic, all the better for me. Changing the way I viewed the situation helped with my outlook.

And I still absolutely love to travel…here’s to travel around the world!
deviantM responded:
Posted: April 29th, 2009 at 7:00 am
it’s really important to count your financial beans all the time.
jaye responded:
Posted: April 29th, 2009 at 7:09 am
Here’s a quote I just read this morning:

“Honesty is the first chapter in the book of wisdom.”
-Thomas Jefferson

I think the “sharing” of your situation will be beneficial to you in the long run. You will not only gain support of those who love you, but also gain the extra initiative needed to get this done. You don’t want to disappoint these people further. My guess is you won’t!
Jen responded:
Posted: April 29th, 2009 at 9:18 am
*hug*

I think I would have felt the same way you did if I was in that situation with his grandparents. But, I imagine they are old enough to know by now that people, even very good people, make mistakes. And, as you and your husband work on wiping out your debt, they’ll be happy and proud that even though you made a mistake, you were grown-up enough to fix it!! Not everyone can do that!
Corporate Barbarian responded:
Posted: April 29th, 2009 at 11:51 am
It’s the same advice they give you when you start a diet: tell someone. Declaring it apparently makes your commitment stronger. I’m not sure I agree, as I’ve kept my silence in the past, and still made progress.
Mrs. Moderntightwad responded:
Posted: April 30th, 2009 at 2:11 pm
More importantly, tell someone who matters. Like you said, in comparison to blog readers, telling his grandparents lit a renewed fire. And there’s nothing wrong with rallying the troops in a family. It’s embarassing, we don’t want them to worry about us, and we’d like to think we can take care of everything ourselves (in my fantasy mind I’m still a superwoman who can take over the universe), but that’s not always the case. Our family can offer help we might not have thought of, and they can help keep us on track. It also mitigates issues that may come from requesting family vacations, large contributions to gifts, etc.