A lot of you are probably wondering where I was yesterday since I usually post daily. I spent most of the day at the doctors taking a battery of tests and I have some very sad news to report…I miscarried.

Throughout all of the tests, I remained hopeful. The last test they did, the ultrasound, left me staring at the ceiling hoping beyond hope that perhaps the technician would declare, “Would you like to see the heartbeat?” and turn the monitor towards me. Just like how it was when we first had a glimpse of our son in my womb. It wasn’t meant to be.

The whole day yesterday felt so surreal. Walking from test to test I felt like I wasn’t even walking. I felt numb. When it was time to say goodbye to the doctor after he gave me the results of all the tests, he said that he was glad to have met me but he wished it was under better circumstances. I thanked him for fitting me in his schedule and giving me so much of his time and I started balling. I had been fighting it earlier because I wasn’t prepared to give up hope. The goodbye was it. There was no more hope to be had.

I wiped my tears and went out to my son and husband in the waiting room. I had one more thing to go through, and that was to get a shot of RHOGAM since I am RH negative. All I wanted to do is go home, but the disorganization of our health system made a single shot take over 45 minutes to complete.

When I told my mom yesterday, she reminded me that everything happens for a reason. I know I often say that myself, but sometimes you forget when you are in the midst of something very sad happening in your life. It was nice to be reminded of that for I do find it comforting.

I retired early last night and I spent a good time thinking about what happened and why our beautiful gift was so suddenly taken away. I know in my heart there is a reason and given time I’m sure I will begin to feel better and heal after this loss.


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  1. Elena responded:

    I’m very sorry for your loss. Even though this was an early miscarriage, this was your baby, you were his/her mother and it will always be so. I wish you peace and healing as you grieve.

  2. db responded:

    Oh Trish! I’m so sorry to hear about this. Take good care of yourself and find peace.

    db

  3. D responded:

    My prayers - always.

  4. » Weekly Linkfest on Blueprint for Financial Prosperity responded:

    [...] you have a moment, send Tricia some love as she’s going through a difficult [...]

  5. bluntmoney responded:

    I’m so sorry :(

  6. Mimi responded:

    Lots of hugs and prayers to you…

  7. Shauna responded:

    I’m sorry for your loss. Best wishes to you and your family during this tough time.

  8. Finance Carnivals For The Week of March 21, 2007 » Silicon Valley Blog About Money responded:

    [...] Tricia at Blogging Away Debt has just written about some sad news pertaining to her situation. My thoughts are with her. del.icio.us Digg Furl Reddit Socializer [...]

  9. The Digerati Life responded:

    I’m so sorry to hear about this Tricia. My thoughts are with you.

  10. Flexo responded:

    So sorry for the sad news.

  11. Lori responded:

    I’m sorry for your loss. As someone who has been through the same thing, I know that for me, sometimes I was fine, and sometimes I was SO not fine. Allow yourself to feel however you feel, except guilty.

    My doctor made sure to hammer it home, that this happens more often than we realize, and that nothing I or anyone else did could have changed it.

    My prayers are with you.

  12. Shanathalas responded:

    Really sorry to hear about your loss.

  13. MOMM responded:

    I am sorry for your loss and will be keeping you in my thoughts.

  14. Renee responded:

    Wow, when you said bad news I was hoping that wasn’t it… I am so sorry to hear about this and my prayers are with you.

  15. Beachgirl responded:

    I’m so sorry. No one should have to go through that.

  16. Beth responded:

    I am so very sorry for your loss, Tricia. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

  17. PT-LawMom responded:

    I am so sorry for your loss. :(

  18. Ryan responded:

    Sorry to hear this… The same just happened to my wife and I

  19. NCN responded:

    Hey Tricia,
    I just read your post. I’m going to send you an email.
    NCN

  20. tanyetta responded:

    God has a special plan for you and your family. It’s a feeling that I’ve never experienced personally and I’m at a loss of what’s right to say. I want you to know that you’re not alone in this and things will work out. It really will. PRAY!!!!!!!!! Open your heart to receive God’s master plan.

  21. AKB responded:

    I am so sorry to hear about your sad news. Six years ago I had the same happen to me. It will get better with time. I promise. Prayers and blessings to your whole family.

  22. Lauri responded:

    I’m so sorry.

  23. Stephanie responded:

    I’m sorry to hear this! *hug*

  24. Tricia. responded:

    I am so sorry to hear of your loss. God works in mysterious ways. I will keep you in my prayers.

  25. mbhunter responded:

    You’re in my prayers.

  26. Kellie responded:

    Tricia, I am so sorry that you had to experience this. My thoughts are with you during this difficult time. Remember your grieving is okay and necessary, take time for yourself and take care of yourself. Big Hugs!

  27. Jonathan responded:

    Yes, please take some time for yourself.

  28. Elmer responded:

    I’m very sorry to hear about your unfortunate news.
    My wife and I lost our baby son the day before he was to be born. it was by far the worst day of my life. it took me months to recover.
    I wish you all the best.

  29. twins15 responded:

    Sorry to hear it. :(

  30. Deby responded:

    Tricia, I’m so sorry for your and your family’s loss.

  31. RealME responded:

    I am so sorry to hear this *hug Pls do take care of yourself. Wish you all the best.

  32. Jane responded:

    So very sorry for your loss. You are in my prayers.

  33. Kathryn responded:

    Although we’ve never met, you and your family are part of our daily lives.

    Thank you for sharing your loss so that we could in turn share our love, support, and commitment to you. This blog is so much more than a financial diary … it is about life.

    Words can’t express the sorrow we feel for you and with you. Sometimes all that can be done is to hold on tight to those around you and cry.

    Kathryn

  34. Tricia responded:

    Thank you everyone for the hugs, thoughts and prayers. All are very much appreciated.

    Yesterday we spent a quiet day at Lake Superior and had a picnic. The Lake has always been a “thinking spot” for me so naturally I wanted to go there. I do believe there is a plan for us and this happened for a reason. I know it is for the best, and I believe I know why. The doctors’ visit revealed something to me and made something else sink in. In a nutshell, I need to work on my health. Perhaps if I carried this baby to term, I may not have made it.

    I’ll never know for sure if that’s why this happened. In any case, it has been a wake-up call and I am listening. I need to make some huge changes in my life (health related).

    More to come about that later.

    Again, thank you all for everything.

  35. RD responded:

    So sorry for the news. Best wishes, RD

  36. Mandi responded:

    My heart cries for you and your family. You will all be in my thoughts and prayers. Please take care of your self and be sure to lean on others for support.

    Mandi

  37. Hazygrey responded:

    I am very sorry for your loss.

  38. Dasha responded:

    I’m so sorry for your loss!

  39. Maria responded:

    I am so sorry Tricia. My thoughts and prayers are with you!

    This is not your fault! Please dont blame yourself.

  40. Henry responded:

    Condolences.

  41. Big Announcement - I’m Pregnant! : Blogging Away Debt responded:

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  42. Maqsood Syed responded:

    I am really sorry for your loss.

    Please accept my heart felt condolences.
    May Allah accept your prayers and may you have a happy and prosperous life.

  43. Ben responded:

    My wife and I also went through some traumatic times with pregnancy about a year ago. I’m sorry to hear the sad news, we’ll be thinking of you.

  44. Kim L. responded:

    I am so sorry! I’m sending you all my best.

  45. Jen responded:

    I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I know that updating your blog is important to you, but by all means, if you need to take time to grive, do so. Conversely, if blogging helps you grieve, then do that. What I’m really saying is, do what you need to do to take care of yourself and your family.

  46. Carl responded:

    There are no words, I just want you to know our thoughts and prayers are with you Tricia.

  47. Debt Hater responded:

    I’m so sorry about this news Tricia. God bless and keep you and your family, we’re praying for you

  48. Joane responded:

    I also went through this with my second child. It is a devastating loss. Please know I went on to have three more wonderful, healthy babies afterwards. I will pray for you.

  49. MFJ responded:

    So sorry to hear about your loss, you are in my prayers.

  50. tiredofbeingbroke responded:

    My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

  51. Sonja responded:

    I think you are very brave facing this loss. Kudos.

  52. Matt responded:

    So Sorry to hear about your loss! Its terrible when something like this happens but every dark cloud has some silver lining to it.

  53. c responded:

    Miscarraige is such a hard thing to understand until you go through it yourself. I think it’s great that you talked about it here–for me talking about it was what made a difference. Once I acknowledged what had happened and that it was NOT anyone’s fault, it got better. Remember, this is a loss and it’s OK to mourn and to do whatever YOU need to do to get through it. My first pregnancy ended in miscarraige at 6 weeks. Three months later I got pregnany again and am now 24 weeks pregnant with a healthy baby boy.

    My thoughts and prayers are with you. And when you have those hard days, which you will, remember, they do get better. Best of luck.

  54. Donna responded:

    Just read this and I’m too am so sorry. I know what you mean with the ultrasound. When I had an eptopic pregnancy they had to do this test just to confirm that the pregancy wasn’t in the uterus and I just kept staring at the blank screen as they continued to reposition the monitor. Take care.

  55. Chitowngirl responded:

    You will be in my prayers!

  56. Colleen responded:

    I am so sorry for your loss.

  57. HC responded:

    I’m so sorry for your loss. I will be keeping you and your family in my thoughts.

  58. missiondebtfreedom responded:

    So sorry to learn of your loss, Tricia. I know this is a difficult time for you, and you and your family are in our thoughts and prayers. I guess God just wasn’t finished with his angel yet, but if it is meant for you to have another child He will bless you and yours with one.

  59. Elaine W Krause responded:

    Tricia,

    In spring of 1982, we miscarried at the 14-week point — after spending two weeks in bed (me, that is) trying to prevent the inevitable.

    We’d tried to “plan” everything, to include the date of conception. Then fate took it out of our hands.

    Nonetheless, almost a year later, we delivered a healthy baby boy, followed in later years by two sisters. I never got over the anxiety of waiting for that first heart beat, first “moving picture.”

    But I am confident that you, too, will see those same happy days. I would also caution that another friend suffered over three miscarriages before delivering two healthy babies.

    It’s a hard business to be in, this parenting — wrought with uncertainty. But worth the heartache and all the rest.

    God bless you.

  60. Irene Eng responded:

    Dear Tricia,… I’m very sorry to hear … be strong, content with what you have … being a parent is the most gratifying job, but also the most difficult one, long before the first heartbeat … god bless you!

  61. ispf responded:

    Tricia, very sorry to hear about your loss. Please take care of yourself and your family, and stay strong.

  62. Not a Good Day Financially : Blogging Away Debt responded:

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  63. Welcome to Blogging Away Fat » Blogging Away Fat responded:

    [...] weight head on. In one week, I’ve had the joy of learning I was pregnant and the sadness of learning I miscarried. I was heartbroken, to say the least. But I hold onto the fact that everything happens for a [...]

  64. It's About Time That I Received My Doctor Bill from March » Blogging Away Debt responded:

    [...] can’t complain about that fee, though. This visit was the one for my miscarriage and the doctor did spend a great deal of time with me. He spent at least and hour talking to me and [...]

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